How to get rid of fear? How to overcome self-doubt? These questions are relevant at different periods of life for most people. They say that it is not the one who is not afraid who is brave, but who is able to act in spite of fear. In this article, I list ten simple yet extremely effective methods that can help anyone overcome fear and gain self-confidence.

First method overcoming fear and self-doubt are “gradual loads”. The essence of the method is to act gradually. If, for example, a person is afraid of heights, and cannot even think about flying, it is absolutely not necessary to start with exactly what to do is scary. To begin with, any minimal step will do - say, go up to the fifth floor, go to the windowsill, make sure everything is in order and carefully look out the window. Regarding a personal situation, it can be anything at all - any movement that even slightly takes you out of your usual comfort zone towards the goal. For example, if a person is afraid of dating, then a compliment to any person of the opposite sex can be the first step, and asking a particular favorite for a date can be the tenth step. You will be surprised how easy it is to take the tenth step after the ninth, and the ninth after the eighth. "Gradual loads" allow you to take an easy path to heavy loads. Gradually, you begin to easily overcome fears and self-doubt in aspects of life that once seemed insurmountable.

Second method overcoming fear and self-doubt is “devaluation”. The fact is that we experience fear and self-doubt precisely in those aspects of life that are overloaded in our head with excessive significance - in other words, we worry about what we consider important. And, on the contrary, the simpler the attitude to these aspects, the less experience. For example, an insecure sales manager may worry that advertising banner for a certain amount, he will hit the client’s pocket, and he will reproach the manager for impudence. With this approach, it is simply unrealistic to engage in sales. And in order for the situation to be resolved, you should not attach importance to money. A self-confident person for the same service will easily, as something due, receive a decent payment simply because this is normal - there is nothing outstanding in this, which should be given at least some importance. Overcoming fear and insecurity in social affairs comes down to devaluing these affairs, to the fact that we begin to relate to these matters easier - without neurotic attaching excessive importance to what is happening.

Third method overcoming fears and self-doubt are “spontaneous actions”. When, for example, a speech or some specific phrases for an upcoming meeting are planned in a working environment, at this time the situation is “recharging” with an excess meaning. And as mentioned above, the higher the significance, the more actively we play the upcoming situation in our heads, which in turn winds up the fear of making a mistake and shakes up self-doubt. Planning is important in business, but when a plan becomes a broken record of a mental medley that goes over and over again in the head, then excitement and unnaturalness in actions are simply inevitable. When there is a plan that satisfies, it's time to turn off the mind and move on to action. If during a future conversation, you want to express specific thoughts, it is quite enough to remember or write them down, without making them into a planned speech. Then, guided by the situation, these thoughts can be spontaneously voiced in a natural rhythm. This is how they will sound most confident. To get rid of fear and overcome uncertainty - spontaneous actions are sometimes the only way out. When you decide, you just need to do it, not paying attention to the "convulsions" of the mind. During conscious spontaneous action, we focus on what is being done, not on how "scary" it is. As the saying goes: "the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing."

Fourth Method overcoming fears and self-doubt - "a living example of a bold act." Almost magically, personal fears dissolve when we see an experienced, confident person act in a situation that causes our excitement. Such an example, with its clarity, can destroy the inner barrier that made you feel fear and self-doubt in similar circumstances. We just make sure in practice that in this situation you can act without fear - easily and confidently. Any complexes are completely groundless and inappropriate. Sometimes people choose difficult paths of gradual career growth - step by step, year after year. And then they suddenly see how, next to them, an uneducated “upstart” overtakes them in a short period of time simply because they act confidently, do not attach excessive importance to the local hierarchy and turn out to be closest to the general “trough”. Such a (live) example can outrage, and can teach a lot.

Fifth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “relaxation”. This method can be called physiological, because through the relaxation of the body, we influence the state of mind. The more agitated and agitated the mind and senses, the stronger the inner tension manifests itself. The states of the body and mind are interconnected. If the mind is tense, the body is also tense. Conversely, by relaxing the body, we relax and calm the mind. A similar trick works when we calm our breath. The best option is not to relax an already tense body, but to maintain the initial relaxation without unnecessary tension. You can read more about relaxation in the article "Stress Relief".

Sixth Method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “understanding”. In fact, we are afraid to act when there is no complete certainty that we need it. Somewhere inside there is a weighing of all the pros and cons, but the mind cannot endure the final decision, and continues to hesitate. It is important to understand what you really want. When you want to invite a person on a date, but fear and self-doubt come, you need to analyze what is so terrible that can happen. Rejection in itself is not fearful, it is normal phenomenon. We are afraid to put our own person in an unsightly light. It is the fear of humiliation that outweighs the original intent. The stronger the fear, the more clumsy the behavior becomes. Sometimes the "inviter", not fully understanding why he feels fear and insecurity, is actually afraid of disappointing his partner, or unconsciously looks forward to possible problems during the development of the relationship. In this case, even if there are doubts, you just need to decide: either “yes” or “no”. And if yes, then we return to confident spontaneous actions. If no, then there is nothing to regret. The main thing is that the decision should be balanced and conscious.

Seventh Method overcoming fears and self-doubt - "awareness". This method is one of the most effective. Otherwise, awareness can be dubbed as knowledge, or professionalism. For example, when applying for a job, being new to the business, it is quite normal to feel insecure, because it is not known in advance whether it will be possible to cope with the tasks set. In this vein, the work turns into a continuous continuous examination, resulting in long-term stress. But a professional who knows the topic has nothing to fear. He has self-confidence based on experience. Therefore, training is often the best cure for self-doubt. Ancient people were afraid natural phenomena, because they did not even know approximately what lightning is - a punishment from heaven, or an unaddressed electric charge in the atmosphere. The awareness method is somewhat similar to the sixth method, understanding. The difference is that for the "understanding" method it is not necessary to have full "professional" knowledge of the situation. It is quite enough to simply make a choice and follow it. But "awareness" tends to lead to spontaneous decision-making based on knowledge.

Eighth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “friendliness”. This method is not suitable for every situation, but sometimes it is indispensable. Sometimes we tend to feel fear, anxiety and self-doubt when we communicate with some big boss, or another significant person for us. Such fear can be overcome with a simple friendly attitude. When we are friendly and courteous (even when not in control of the situation), the “truth” is on our side and there is nothing to worry about. And if an outsider uses our ignorance in order to rise due to this, this only speaks of his personal complexes. Psychologically, the one who maintains harmony is right.

Ninth Method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “self-knowledge”. All our self-doubt is the result of ignorance about our own person, and this is the only reason why our self-identification is so tightly tied to public approval. If someone liked it, then you feel encouragement - self-confidence grows. And if they criticize, confidence decreases. All this happens as if we do not know ourselves at all, and receive information about our person exclusively from others. It is important to remember that understanding others is also subjective. Most people are not even able to understand themselves, let alone give a sober assessment of our actions. Knowing yourself means accepting yourself as you are. When you are not ashamed to be yourself, then it turns out to live and act without fear. When we act knowing ourselves, we simply show our insides as they are. Of course, everything has its time and place. The topic of self-knowledge is one of the main topics on progressman.ru.

Tenth Method overcoming fears and self-doubt is an analysis of one's own personality. In fact, all our fears are based on deep maladaptive beliefs about ourselves and life. Each problem state is a consequence of one's own thinking. A sober analysis helps to reveal illusions. However, an independent opening of personal haze is hampered precisely by the fact that the haze itself deprives one of clarity and understanding precisely in those personal areas where these qualities are most in demand. In such a situation, it is productive to get an uncomplicated third-party view of own life(This is how I unobtrusively advertise my online consultations).

It is important to remember that by revealing another fear, we discover an additional opportunity for ourselves to become stronger. We should not justify ourselves when someone supports our fears and pities our person. All these are temptations that make us weak and weak-willed. Overcoming fears and self-doubt does not mean committing reckless life-threatening actions. Going to meet your fears means growing, learning, becoming stronger and wiser.

Once upon a time there lived an old gloomy beast in a swamp beyond the forest. And somehow, either by pure chance, or out of terrible boredom, he started a conversation with a small stray bird, who told the gloomy beast that somewhere on the other side of the forest there is a magical garden where fabulous fruits grow, eating which some animals are changing. The gloomy beast listened to the bird, its mouth gaping in surprise, and suddenly something in its head moved in an unusual way. The bird flew away, and the beast was left alone again. But something has changed. Against the background of the routine everyday burden, anxiety began to grow in the soul of the gloomy beast. The Beast began to dream about how he would leave his usual swamp and go in search of a magical garden. So another hundred or two hundred years passed. Everyday burden comfortably enveloped him, but anxiety still did not leave his soul. Sometimes the beast saw nightmares in which he left the familiar swamp. He woke up in a cold sweat, realizing with relief that he was still there, in his old, familiar swamp. But over time, after another three or four hundred years, the gloomy beast finally realized that in this swamp of his, everything was already so familiar and familiar that there was no point in staying here any longer. He realized that he would not know what awaited him beyond the edge of the forest until he got out of the quagmire. At first, for the first two weeks, he stuck out two paws and a muzzle to the surface. Then, making sure that nothing terrible happened to him, he got out of the swamp and began his journey, which was full of adventures, dangers, excitements, joys and new experiences. And so it went on until the gloomy beast suddenly discovered that he had been moving through the magic garden for a long time, and that he was no longer gloomy at all, but bold and joyful. He found that during this time he had branches of golden wings, and his body became strong and hardened. He never regretted that he got out of his usual swamp to find a magical garden.

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First, a lot of letters about self-doubt. Some general concepts and the directions have already been said in the article, now it's time to talk about this in a little more detail. What kind of beast is this - "self-doubt"? What can be done with it, how to tame it or defeat it? How can you finally become more confident in yourself?

However, this feeling - self-doubt - is not a target, not a goal, and not a problem to focus on. Self-doubt is The tip of the iceberg, which sticks out above the water, or more precisely, only the snow on this tip of the iceberg.

Yes, this snow is the first thing that catches your eye, it is cold, unpleasant, and there can be a lot of it. But the point is not in it: in your ocean of ideas about yourself and what is happening around you, a huge iceberg floats, part of which is not visible to you at all. That's the point.

Self-doubt is symptom something else.

Manifestations of self-doubt

As I wrote earlier, self-doubt is accompanied by:

Thoughts: I'm afraid I won't make it I don't seem to be able to this is difficult for me I'm not the best ... (write in the meaning) will laugh What if I stumble during the presentation? will not approve of me ... (write in the meaning) it’s probably not very decent to do that, what they might think of me ...

Emotions: fear anxiety depression helplessness impotence despondency annoyance irritation shyness

Trying to remove self-doubt in itself is like trying to treat a bad tooth with painkillers. Let's take a better look at how this happens and what is hidden under self-doubt.

Self-doubt: injection

Here is an example: a young girl, independent, pretty, active, working, in a relationship. Ordinary and normal (i.e., no personality disorders or obvious problems). At work, for the first time, she is asked to speak to colleagues with a short report on a topic that she knows well.

The situation is quite important, both for her career and for her personally. She prepares, performs, speaks well, but ... does not see much interest on the faces of the audience. At the end of her speech, there is no storm of applause, no additional questions: everything, thank you, got up and left. Subsequently, only one colleague says that she liked it, and the rest who were present say nothing.

Our heroine is puzzled: she ponders what happened. She knows from earlier experience that if she performed well (for example, playing the role of Snowflake in kindergarten or told classmates at the institute something interesting), then those around her usually confirmed her success in some way: they clapped, rejoiced, praised, gave sweets, asked questions, asked questions, recounted to others, and so on. But this time it's different. And she concludes that, most likely, she did not perform very well. Maybe she spoke boringly or looked stupid? Completely incomprehensible. However, the fact remains that people did not like her performance.

So there was an “injection” of self-doubt. In the evening our girl returns home. She is not very confident, her mood is bad. She still worries about what exactly she did wrong. All evening she is sad and does not want to watch a movie.

The next morning, she seems to be feeling better, but when she drives to a meeting with a client on his territory in the middle of the day, the thought flashes through her: “ What if I can't convince him? What if he doesn't like my presentation? What if my arguments are stupid?» As a result, she feels insecure during the negotiations, behaves embarrassed, nervous, forgot about some negotiation technologies, because of which she began to scold herself. The client she met with noticed that she was behaving somehow insecure and called her manager with questions and clarifications. The manager asked our heroine why she did not explain the banal ordinary things to the client. She could not answer anything, except: “Well, it seemed to me that I kind of told everything ... Or not?”

Self-doubt intensifies. And then in the evening, she goes home again. She thinks it's all messed up somehow recent times. The leader is unhappy, she almost failed the negotiations. Her boyfriend asks what happened, she replies: “You know, I'm so tired. Maybe we should just go to bed?"

The next day, she can’t have a colleague who is already trying to shift her business to her again, because she wondered, “ What if he decides that I'm ill-mannered?»

When other colleagues ask her at lunch what she thinks about the latest scandalous film, she says something like “Well, there are several points of view, depending on how you look ...”, because she thought “ I have to be careful not to offend anyone." etc. A few months later, her relationship is in question, the vacant position of the deputy head of the department was taken by someone else, she is depressed.

Our heroine also had some elements of perfectionism: the desire to do everything and always 100 percent and the inadmissibility of mistakes. But until that moment with an unsuccessful performance, this did not particularly interfere with her life.

Self-doubt: the background

Well, now we finally got to the point of what is floating there in the ocean of our ideas in the form of an iceberg. How do you understand, if a girl from our story sooner or later gets to, then what will she complain about? That's right, on self-doubt.

But what to take? Trying to convince the client that not everything is so bad in her life, to teach her to think positively? Help her deal with relationships and then career, or vice versa? Submit to self-confidence training or coaching business negotiations? Or a psychotherapy support group? Or maybe get busy? You can, of course, but this approach will be similar to trying to dig an iceberg from above, it will suddenly float away somewhere.

In cognitive-behavioral (behavioral) psychotherapy, the focus is on beliefs. The main belief that was activated in the situation of that very unsuccessful performance was “ To be happy, people have to like me.» There are also those that provoke the onset of depression (and, possibly, the appearance of self-doubt as a symptom).

In general, they are often found in various individualized versions. Dangerous thing. Let me repeat just in case:

Such beliefs are formed not at the moment of an unsuccessful performance, but, of course, much earlier. Maybe when our heroine played Snezhinka on stage in kindergarten. Or maybe later, when I really wanted popularity among classmates of the opposite sex. Since this belief did not receive any particular confirmation or refutation from real life, it floated to itself and floated for the time being.

This belief, perhaps, was true and logical in the specific situation when it was formed, that is, at the age of five on the stage of a kindergarten: “I play Snowflake. Everyone liked it. They applaud me and praise me. I'm happy."

But in the end, from this logical chain, only “Everyone liked it. I'm happy." And for some reason, over the years, the scope has expanded: in addition to the scene in kindergarten, this idea has been applied to other areas of life. Moreover, the opposite conclusion was formed: "I can't be happy if someone doesn't like it."

If you now go back a little and re-read all the examples from the life of our heroine, you will see that every time her self-doubt intensified, the situation seemed to step on her sore spot in the form of this belief: it is impolite to refuse a colleague ( he won't like it); negotiating is difficult suddenly the client does not like the presentation); defending your interests is difficult ( suddenly they are stupid, that is, someone will consider them stupid) etc.

I.e, under self-doubt lies a certain belief that does not help at all in this life(or several such beliefs): for example, " I can't be happy if others don't like me.»

The question arises: where does self-doubt come from? The answer lies on the surface: you have to double-check all the time whether others like me or not! What a horror, if suddenly not! Then I do wrong!

Self-doubt: what happens next

Thus, criterion for evaluating one's behavior (am i doing right or wrong) moves outward, onto other people. They become the "chief appraisers" of a person's life. But in reality, this criterion should be inside the person himself. Because other people are a too unstable and diverse system that cannot provide a person with a regular, constant flow of objective assessments. One likes it, the other doesn't!

In addition, this hostile belief (or beliefs) is in conflict with the facts that reality provides: after all, sometimes it happened that someone did not like it, but was still happy; sometimes the feeling of happiness was not connected at all with the approval of other people. And a healthy brain resists, trying to establish the truth. This is how this hesitation appears, it is self-doubt.

There are many such beliefs - and different ones. They can relate to different areas of life: to communication, to work, to personal life, to family, to other activities.

For example:

Self-doubt in this case, as it were, characterizes the personality as a whole. How to satisfy it is not clear. She just sits and torments a person. After all, if you are sure that in order for your husband not to leave you, you must be the best wife, then what can you choose from? What to do? What is "the best wife"? There are no recipes, instructions, and generally clarity on this issue. But whatever you do, he may not like it.

As a result, such ideas can provoke an increase in perfectionism, a desire to control everything in the world, indecision, communication problems, fears and anxiety, exhaustion from excessive effort, depression, loss of strength and despondency.

On the other hand, not all self-doubt is subject to immediate uprooting from the psyche. In some cases, it can even be useful! For example: if you are not sure whether to buy this or that expensive item; not sure which managerial decision accept in relation to their subordinates; not sure which training to choose, etc. - here your self-doubt can serve you well. Most likely, you will want to consult with other people, which will help you to accept correct solution right for you at this particular moment in your life. Here are the pluses: communication with others, gaining new experience, training decision-making skills. And it started with self-doubt. And, as you can see, there is a specificity to this type of self-doubt: option A or B?

And then, if you are absolutely sure of everything, then where to move on?

But if your self-doubt:

• is not connected with a specific situation of choosing specific things, but accompanies you most of the time;
• happens in most situations, and is not rather uncommon;
• you think that it is your personal characteristic;
• prevents you from being happy / happy -

yes, this is where you should consider spending some time working with a therapist.

Five ways to start overcoming self-doubt

All this philosophy, of course, is an important thing, but I'm sure that the reader now has a reasonable question: “Great, but what to do? How to become more confident in yourself?»

1. Start a practice notice your achievements even the smallest ones. To learn how to do this, try to write in a diary for a couple of weeks, everything that you did well. Say nice words to yourself for every occasion. You should have at least 10 such cases per day. If you just can’t get that much, it’s likely that your habit of thinking about yourself in a negative way has become too strong.
2. Start a practice do not berate yourself for failures or weaknesses even the smallest ones. Self-acceptance can do great things: the phrases “Well, okay, this time it didn’t work out, but I learned ...” or “Well, anything can happen. All the same, I did well, because I tried ... "will strengthen your faith in yourself, and next time there will be more chances that you will succeed. To learn how to do this, just come up with a similar phrase that works for you and train yourself to use it: put a sticker on the refrigerator, create a reminder on your phone, write it on the front page of your organizer, etc. The more often it catches your eye, the better.
3. In the next situation, when you feel insecure about yourself, ask yourself: “What am I thinking now? What am I afraid of? Look your insecurities in the eyes . Ask yourself: what I think about, is it really? What are the alternatives? What's the worst thing that can happen? Can I handle this outcome? What do I need to do right now?
4. Do not focus on bad, disturbing thoughts and situations: learn to let go something that doesn't change your life in a catastrophic or significant way. It is enough to draw conclusions, and then throw the situation out of your head.
5. Don't be afraid to offend. Respect and honor the other person's boundaries, and respect your own as well! Of course, you should remain within the bounds of decency, generally accepted norms of communication - you don’t need to turn into an overly self-confident aggressive impudent. But respect for one's boundaries and interests is an integral part of the personality of a self-confident person.

If you need psychological help or support in your desire to become more confident, please contact us.

Instruction

Step one is to think less about your fears and disappointments. You need to forget the phrase “I won’t succeed” once and for all, drive away negative thoughts that you are unlucky, ugly and not. Instead, you should think about what you wanted to achieve and how to implement it all.

Find in yourself good qualities. Surely you have some hobbies or talents that you can develop and attract attention to yourself. If you know how to knit, draw, burn or something else, create an Internet blog and post photos of your creations there. Undoubtedly, there are many like-minded people who will appreciate yours and sincerely praise it. And you can learn something new from them, and expand your circle of friends.

Don't be afraid of people. Maybe they are also insecure in their hearts. yourself, but try to restrain emotions with this. If you have an "idol" among those around you, whom you would like to be like, think about how the person has become and how to achieve this. Just avoid completely copying the behavior and image - it looks ridiculous.

Do what you've always wanted to do. If you wanted to sing, but had doubts about hearing and voice - sign up for vocal lessons. Dreamed in the light of spotlights - go to at least one dance class. Imagine yourself on a ship - reward yourself with a cruise trip. And maybe you will turn out to be an excellent traveler with a beautiful voice and be able to dance a waltz on board the ship.

Rehearse in front of a mirror any public appearance, thinking over what you will say and how you will behave. Seminar report? - You have already learned it at home and are not at all afraid of questions from the audience. Reporting to management? - You did everything right and presented all the arguments in an even, confident voice. Meeting with ? - You are ready for this! Hands do not tremble, and words do not get confused.

Ignore the ridicule or snarky remarks of other people. This is an indicator of weakness, so do not get hung up on it. On the contrary, walk by, proudly straightening your back and smiling.

Do not drown your sorrows and complexes in alcohol under sad dreary ones. Instead, watch funny and kind films and comedies more often. After all, if good mood, he is open to communication, positive and attracts others.

note

If you have not been able to cope with uncertainty on your own, remember that you can always turn to a qualified psychologist. He will definitely help you.

Helpful advice

But most importantly, praise yourself. Praise every step of the way to gaining confidence. Having fallen in love with yourself and the world around you, you will see how easily everything will work out for you.

An insecure person sighs sadly, thinking about successful and famous personalities. Of course, because they are so strong, self-confident, beautiful, they always succeed. But in fact, everyone, even the most successful, at least once in his life doubted his own abilities. And that's okay. We are all human and have the right to doubt and mistakes.

Instruction

Change your attitude. Never compare yourself to other people. Inside yourself, you always play the same scene called "Me and Them, or Why are they better than me."
Remember: you should talk about how you today are better than yourself yesterday.

Find the positive in everything, even in failures.

Set small goals, achieve them and experience sincere joy, praise yourself.

If you are experiencing uncertainty in with other people, during a conversation, concentrate on the interlocutor, on his emotional state, be more attentive to him. Always make eye contact and speak softly and clearly.

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It is impossible to achieve something without knowing what it is for. Set a goal for yourself and go for it. Write a lot of notes, which will reflect one step towards achieving the goal, and hang in front of your eyes. Visualizing your goal helps you achieve it faster.

To get something, you have to sacrifice something. To find a job, you will have to significantly reduce your free time, for example. Write down what you want on a piece of paper. On a different sheet than you can donate. If desires are comparable to victims - act! Start giving up something in real life without waiting for it to come into your hands. You will be surprised, but it is at the moment of active action that there will be a chance that everything planned will work out.

The need to feel secure is basic after the need for sleep, food and drink. A person often feels vulnerable in the face of sudden threatening events. Get confidence in life stability in its main areas will help.

Instruction

Usually 3 areas of life are most vulnerable: financial, professional and personal relationships. To feel secure, take some action in each of them. For many people, they are interconnected: for example, friendship with partners supports business, and income depends on success in business. Do not absolutize financial sector, even significant funds can not always solve problems.

In the financial sector, unpopular measures will have to be taken - to cut costs. In fact, money is in short supply for everyone, so saving 10-20% of what you earn is difficult for people of all income levels. Set aside this money for three purposes: protection against force majeure, retirement and for. In what proportion to distribute funds - it depends only on you. Experts recommend saving enough money to live with a certain level of comfort for 3-6 months. In this case, losing your job will not be a disaster for you.

Set aside some money for your future retirement. How exactly to invest them so as not to lose them is a question for financial experts, read about this in books, for example, by David Bach. And the most pleasant share of the accumulated money is for a dream. Maybe you want to buy a new yogurt maker, or maybe you want to educate your children or grandchildren abroad. The speed of the goal depends on your ability to accumulate funds. However, the very fact that you are getting closer to your dream will warm your soul and improve your mood.

In the field professional qualities learn, constantly learn new skills and read new literature by specialty. Write a development plan for yourself every day, follow it - and you will be sure that you will find a job with any changes in the world.

Personal relationships are the most difficult area. When it comes to partners in marriage, do not let your loved one get bored. A large number of Families break up due to banal boredom. Such relationships arise because one of the partners or both do not want to work on themselves and develop. Try to stay interesting, look for new common hobbies. And then you will not be left alone, even if this person does not work out. You will have to work in any of the areas, but the feeling of security should not stop you and be a reason for stagnation. Seek and become more confident.

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It is an important component of the psychological health of the individual. It gives you the opportunity to set goals and achieve them, develop, move forward. However, even mentally healthy people sometimes suffer from insecurity. To live in harmony with yourself, you need to constantly feed your self-esteem.

Instruction

One of the most simple ways not to lose self-confidence is to maintain a personal positive mindset. Instead of blaming yourself for mistakes and analyzing possible failures, it is better to spend your energy on achieving positive results. Remind yourself of your strengths that will help you complete your tasks.

Set achievable specific goals for yourself. Be realistic. If you, for example, are losing weight, you do not need to set yourself the task of losing 10 kilograms in 10 days. If you are studying foreign language, do not promise yourself and others to speak it as a native language in a month. Break big goals into many simple, manageable steps. Make out the steps in the list and cross out the “passed”. So you will clearly see how day after day you go to the result. When setting goals for yourself, use the SMART scheme developed by D. Dourden for business processes, they work the same way in everyday life. Make sure your goal is:
- specific (Specific);
- measurable (Measurable);
- achievable (Achievable);
- realistic (Relevant);
- timely (Timebound).

Reward yourself. Of course, you consider it necessary to praise children and loved ones, but sometimes you forget that you also need “positive reinforcement”. When Americans hang diplomas and certificates on the walls, they are not so much boasting of what they have achieved in front of others as reminding themselves of what they have achieved, thereby strengthening self-confidence. Arrange a “Honor Board” at home and hang on it what makes you proud of yourself and your loved ones - Thanksgiving letters from partners, certificates from children, photographs from your well-planned and well-spent vacation, greeting cards from those who appreciate and love you.

Come up with your own positive mantras. Although this idea may seem ridiculous to you at first, you have nothing to lose if you try. Say to yourself: "I am the smartest and most beautiful in the world." Let these words make you smile, but they also feed your self-confidence. When someone attacks you to lower your self-esteem, repeat to yourself what you think is important and valuable. For example: “I have a wonderful family, loving husband(wife), wonderful children, a beautiful figure, a flexible mind, and are appreciated by friends and partners, and no screams and attacks can take this away from me. Make up your own phrases that will remind you of who you are and what you have.

Don't Forget the Benefits healthy lifestyle life, take care of yourself. A self-confident person looks well-groomed, he does not eat on the run, therefore his body, and does not neglect exercise because he understands their necessity. If you know you're okay, have clean, neat clothes, neat make-up, healthy looks, you're much more difficult to embarrass.

Do not keep in the "inner circle" people who constantly release negative and pessimistic remarks about you. The girlfriend who “wishes you nothing but the best” and never tires of reminding you of your failures is actually boosting her own self-esteem at your expense. Your parents, who keep reminding you of your failures, are trying to make you dependent on them. Talk to them frankly, tell them how important their support is to you and ask what they want more - so that you sit around them all your life or become a successful independent person, never ceasing to love them and coming to their house for warmth and understanding?

Tip 7: How to stop being a "victim of love" and gain self-confidence?

Insecure people, as a rule, attract partners with whom they end up in an uncomfortable relationship. The reason may be passivity, the inability to build relationships in such a way that the partner takes into account your vital needs, attitudes, principles. How does insecurity affect the other person? How not to become a chronic "victim of love"? How to gain self-confidence?

Probably, each of us is trying to find a "half", which will respect our interests and feelings, take into account our opinion. But it often happens that a loved one becomes a huge disappointment, and the “injured” side feels like a “victim of love”. This can go on for a long time, passion does not save the situation, and sooner or later even perfect sexual harmony comes to naught. There may be several unsuccessful marriages, where the replacement of a partner will not lead to the desired consent in the family, and the "victims of love" are genuinely surprised - how is it, because I'm a good person!

And indeed, people who are distinguished by a soft, passive attitude to life evoke unaccountable sympathy. They are pleasant, compliant, delicate. The fear of conflicts makes them endlessly apologize, agree to unfavorable offers, and accept imposed conditions. Outwardly, these people are conflict-free, peaceful, sincere. Their usual words in awkward situations are “no problem”, “no problem”, they are trouble-free and agree to fulfill requests that are a burden to them, or even to the detriment - moral or material. It is easy for such people to "sit on their heads", which most often happens. They tend to forgive deceit, misconduct, and even outright arrogance. Yielding to more dominant personalities, "victims of love" push their feelings, interests and needs to the periphery of life, devoting themselves to the fulfillment of other people's desires, trying to meet the conditions imposed from outside.

If you look at what is going on "behind the scenes" in the soul of such a person, you can see that the apparent lack of conflict is an illusion. Keeping their emotions to themselves, these people sometimes say "yes", suppressing an internal protest. Experiencing humiliation, they will not "strike back" instantly, although dark aggression is accumulating inside them. And when the cup of patience overflows, these quiet people are capable of a powerful emotional explosion that can smash established relationships and a well-established life "to feathers and feathers". Their rebellion comes as a complete surprise to others, and the result of such a rebellion is most often internal devastation, prolonged stress and depression, total disappointment in a partner and low self-esteem.

How to change yourself, how to stop being a "victim of love"? The most important thing is to get rid of the fear of losing a partner. Perhaps the fear of refusing a partner for anything comes from childhood? Do not be afraid to turn to a professional psychologist, train willpower and tact, wean yourself from thoughts of manipulating people - and then attempts to manipulate your fears will break against your confidence and calmness in making decisions.

You need to learn how to say "no" if unprofitable or uncomfortable conditions, asking for favors that are a burden to you. The refusal should be kind but firm. Thus, you will teach your partner to take into account your time, strength, feelings and interests. And there will simply be no reason for internal irritation and hidden anger.

Remember: you have a personal space, and no one is allowed to invade there without permission, to establish their own rules there. Gently but unrelentingly stop attempts to control you - read your letters, tear you away from necessary affairs, subordinating your personal time to momentary whims and urgent demands. True, there are two sides here: you must also understand that control over another person destroys relationships, so you should not secretly “revise” your partner’s personal space. Respect the boundaries of your own and others' freedom.

Express your thoughts directly, in a correct, non-offensive form, demand the same from your partner, gradually "straightening" the relationship. True, you will also have to be an attentive listener, learn to put yourself in the place of another and understand a different point of view. The most correct words in the dialogue should be the formulas: "I would like to...", "It seems to me that...", "I think that....". Give your partner a chance to explain their position. Such dialogue strengthens personal relationships and promotes mutual understanding and respect.

An unreliable partner will not approach a self-confident person, as he will immediately feel that here manipulations at the level of personal relationships are impossible and useless. A confident woman will attract a strong and reliable man, and a confident man will attract a sincere and devoted woman. Self-confidence is not born with a person, but develops throughout life.

The basis of confidence is respect for one's own personality and the personality of another. If a person does not know how to build a life together on self-respect, it is unlikely that a potential partner will respect his "half". And if you do not respect your partner and go "over their heads" - it is possible that one day your union will be smashed to smithereens when your partner runs out of strength and patience. Be attentive to your partner, you can't be blind in relationships. After all, the payback for blindness can be a personal life that has not developed yet.

Lack of self-confidence can prevent you from achieving some important goals. Also, the lack of adequate self-esteem hinders building relationships with other people.

You will need

• - paper;
• - pen

Instruction

Realize how important self-confidence is to happy life. It helps build a personal life and career. A person who appreciates himself at its true worth, it is easier to cope with some difficulties. If you're not enjoying life as much as you want, have difficulty communicating, or can't figure yourself out, you need to work on yourself.

Consider how well you know yourself. It may sound strange, but some individuals do not know themselves. Therefore, they cannot accept their own identity. Analyze why you react in one way or another to some events, what kind of character you have. Recall the various stages of your life journey in order to compose the most complete self-portrait.

Make a list of your own strengths. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and start listing the qualities you like about yourself. There should be no less than ten positive traits, or even many times more. Remember how you managed to get out of difficult situations, and determine what qualities helped you in this. Now look at this list. You have something to love and appreciate yourself for. You good man and worthy of self-respect.

Decide on your main goals. Knowing where you are heading in life will give you confidence. If you have carefully considered the second step and thought about who you are, what kind of person you are, then now you will be able to determine what you want, what is important to you.

Think about how well you present yourself. A confident person can be himself. He is calm and content with himself. Such an individual keeps at ease, walks easily, straightening his shoulders. Anyone who has problems with self-esteem, their whole body demonstrates stiffness and tightness. Sometimes it is worth adjusting your posture, and the spirit can perk up.

Wear only clothes that you feel confident in. From fashionable, but not giving a sense of physical and psychological comfort, wardrobe items must be ruthlessly disposed of. Wear what suits you. The clothes in which you look solid or harmonious will help you increase your sense of self-confidence.

A confident person knows how to build effective communications with other people. To do this, you need to objectively interpret the behavior of others. A notorious person is sometimes inclined to think for others, wind himself up, dramatize the situation. Try to soberly and impartially evaluate the words and actions of others. It is also important to learn how to argue your point of view. Then you will be more confident in expressing it and will be able to protect your own interests.

Related videos

How often do you ask yourself: Why do I - smart, beautiful, funny - feel like a failure? You know the answer yourself: you are not sure of yourself. A confident person knows how to argue and defend his interests, and an insecure person blames himself for any reason. The personal life and career of the first is much more successful than that of the second. This list can be continued indefinitely. So what keeps many of us from believing in ourselves?

Instruction

Look into the past
As a rule, there are two main reasons for self-doubt. The first - in childhood, when you were formed as a person, parents, friends or teachers put pressure on you with their authority, often made comments to you, reproached you for something, did not listen to your opinion. The second - next to you for a long time there was (and maybe there is) a person who constantly doubts everything. It is clear that you could be “infected” with this.

So that, psychologists advise to realize your most vivid grievances and try to relive them with maximum emotional strength. It's never too late to mentally change your past. Your goal is to turn the burden of the past into a valuable legacy, into experience, into life potential. And remember, you should not be ashamed of the difficult moments in your life (divorce, unsuccessful interview, loss of money). If you have overcome this, then you have become stronger. This is something to be proud of.

An important rule in overcoming insecurity is getting rid of the habit of comparing yourself to others. Without knowing others, believing that they are doing better than you is extremely stupid. You can only compare yourself with yourself in the past, which is very effective for the formation of adequate self-esteem. You can record the slightest achievements, feats, successful completion of actions, acquired skills, etc. in a special notebook. This will help get rid of excessive self-criticism and develop the ability to notice your strengths, not weaknesses.

Self-love is an important quality for inner harmony, which is inherent in a self-confident person. You need to love yourself with all your pluses and minuses, "cockroaches in the head" and flaws in appearance. After all, until you love yourself, it will be difficult for others to love you. Accept yourself for who you are, and do not look at the opinions of others about you. In life you will meet a lot of people who will be sure that they know what is best for you, but you should not unconditionally trust them. Be yourself, show your exclusivity and do not think about who and what will say about you.

It is also important to learn to make decisions and be responsible for their consequences. Everyone is afraid to make a mistake, taught by bitter experience or imposed fears, but without mistakes it is impossible to become wise and experienced. So show courage, determination, perseverance in achieving goals. Even if you make a mistake, you will have a reason for reflection and a model of behavior for the future. Past mistakes after analyzing them and getting conclusions should be forgotten, and not get hung up on them, year after year experiencing all the same unpleasant emotions.

Insecure people often cannot interact with the environment: they do not defend their point of view, blindly agree with more authoritative people, do not understand the feelings of the interlocutor and cannot convey their thoughts to him, are embarrassed to express their opinion, cannot make friends, etc. To overcome these problems, you need to learn to communicate, and in practice. Set goals for the day, week, month and achieve them. The goals can be different: from the task of asking a random passerby to call to an invitation to a dance of a pretty person.

main reason Self-doubt is an incorrectly formed or missing skills within a person, which cause a huge range of feelings, starting with the usual lethargy and ending with fear. However, the latter is most often a sign of an already formed incorrect reaction to familiar events that a person transfers to similar situations. For example, a child, after being taught to be afraid of rabbits by behavioral psychologists, after a while began to worry at the sight of everything white and fluffy.

When we are inhibited, this indicates only one thing - we do not have skills. And when the necessary skills are not formed, uncertainty is a natural state. In general, you need to understand one small thing. Any uncertainty is natural. No need to try to suppress it, because this leads to complexes. What it is? A complex is when a person feels insecure, when he feels insecure. It seems to sound strange, but now we will analyze it in more detail using an example.

The person has difficulty communicating with people. Approaches a stranger and begins to worry, be afraid. In his head, the thought turns on: “Kapets, how is it? I'll be laughed at." It turns out that a person is afraid of people because he is afraid of people.

What to do to get rid of uncertainty? The answer to this question comes from the above definition. If a person is afraid of something, then you should not hide it. Still, some people will understand your true feelings. No matter how hard you try to hide your emotions, they show up. Therefore, you need to learn to keep an iron calmness in difficult situations, and not defiantly try to show your looseness.

By the way, this increases the risk of psychosomatic oncology. Practice shows that when a person feels insecure and talks about it, he instantly feels better. You need to find a person who will help get rid of the complexes. You can do something on your own, but it will take more time to fix. It is easier to retrain yourself than to unlearn.

• Problems in communication;
• Difficult socialization;
• Depressive states;
• Feeling of fear;
• Constant stress.

Benefits of self-doubt

• Protection from unpleasant conversations and companies;
• Availability of own safe territory;
• Creating your own atmosphere in which you are comfortable.

1. Love and accept yourself in the current state;
2. Reward yourself even for small successes;
3. Criticize yourself less - praise yourself more;
4. Focus on the result;
5. Do not demand the impossible from yourself;
6. Develop communication skills;
7. Change behavior, depending on the situation;
8. Speak positive beliefs;

Video: “How to deal with self-doubt and unlearn self-criticism over trifles?”

Self-doubt- this is the presence of doubts in one's skills, choices, strengths and fulfillment of the plan, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even refusal to perform active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea of ​​defectiveness of some side of life.

A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed, based on the response of others. And if there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and which punishment or rejection should be in emotional and activity contact with the world, then in the future there are no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority of the external assessment of one's own being left from childhood (the words of people, the priorities proclaimed in culture) that leads to an increase in uncertainty.

The problem of self-doubt is due to the impossibility of the same response by different people to one event, which means that the idea of ​​the constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and only leads to increased anxiety and exhaustion.

What is self-doubt?

Uncertainty refers to the result, which is an important mental property necessary to correlate one's capabilities with the tasks of situations that have arisen along the way or goals assigned by the person himself. This is a kind of measuring instrument of our life, which makes it possible to control and expediently build the course of its events. Adequate self-esteem contributes to building harmonious relationships with people and the world, and predetermines a calm and sober look, where there is an understanding that the course of life is determined by its own laws and there is no task in them to subdue or elevate one of the people. Inadequate, at the behavioral level, it is expressed by insecurity, fear of moving forward in life achievements or expressing an alternative opinion, a stop in implementation and.

The problem of uncertainty causes difficulties in communication, problems in implementation own desires and plans, affects the emotional background by its decrease, the emergence of constant feelings, anxiety, despair. A confident person, on the other hand, is characterized by bright and emotional speech, the desire to openly and honestly voice his thoughts and present feelings, the presence of moderate gestures, correlated with the story. In a conversation, a confident person can oppose his opinion to others, is not afraid to seem strange or not accepted, accepts compliments without the desire to diminish his merits.

Self-doubt usually manifests itself in some specific areas or situations due to the individual specific situation of the formation of this feeling, although there are situations when uncertainty becomes a defining character trait and penetrates into all areas.

Self-perception of an insecure person is quite deplorable; moreover, a feeling of insecurity begins to affect activity in the outside world, often hindering or even stopping it. Asking how to overcome self-doubt, people come to a psychologist's office or even to a shaman's ritual, looking for any means of deliverance.

Causes of self-doubt

The situation in childhood is responsible for the emergence of a favorable ground for the progression of self-doubt - the behavior patterns that a person sees at an early age are imprinted in the psyche and remain there as reference ones, as well as the reaction of significant adults and the environment to the child's behavior form the type of reaction and behavior. For example, if any active actions lead only to a negative reaction from the outside world, then the child loses any active activity. But we should not exclude the fact that the absence of a negative response is not always a defense against the development of uncertainty. In a situation where there is no emotional reaction to what is happening, the so-called "emotional vacuum" (when there is neither a positive nor a negative reaction), self-doubt also develops.

Through his own actions and the subsequent response of reality to them, a person learns to build not only models of behavior, but also a picture of the world in which he is. The absence of emotional reactions or constant only negative or formally positive reactions lead to confusion in determining the surrounding reality, causing anxiety and self-doubt.

Self-doubt causes many problems on the path of life, more and more people want to get rid of it, read special articles, sign up for trainings, but do not look at the root of the problem. Knowing the causes of self-doubt, you can prevent its occurrence or aggravation, as well as draw up the most effective plan to overcome it.

The first and deepest reason is ignorance of oneself and the structure of the features of one's own inner world. When a person lives, focusing on external clues, then his self-perception consists of a set of social roles, they are unique for everyone and add up to an individual pattern, but they are not the essence or reflection of the inner nature. After all, if you are a bad husband and son, but good father and an employee - this does not characterize you at all, it is an indicator of how you cope with a certain role.

If self-assessment is based on an assessment of the roles played, then the internal observer becomes confused and self-doubt arises. You should spend a huge amount of time and effort to determine your inner essence, thereby removing yourself from identification with the functions performed. As soon as this disidentification occurs, the uncertainty disappears, you know exactly who you are, what you can do, what you want, regardless of the situation, people and their opinions.

The problem of self-doubt correlates with having . A person who has no idea why he lives and what he strives for, or who constantly changes his life priorities to suit the desires of society, loses any motivation. When there is no motivation, everything is done through the application of efforts, forcing oneself. Such people do not have a twinkle in their eyes and that confident perseverance in all, even everyday issues, which a person has who has chosen a meaning and direction for his life.

Ignorance of one's true values ​​and priorities is similar to ignorance of the meaning of life and introduces a disorganizing component into a person's life. Confidence dissipates like a fog if a person finds it difficult to explain to himself what is truly important, and tries to build his life on the basis of other priorities that are alien to internal correspondence. Such actions cause a feeling of insecurity and.

The feeling of self-doubt increases when you lose contact with your own body. Despite the need for a great mental load, a complete rejection of physical sensations and actions in the direction of the mental is erroneous. In addition to the fact that work with the body gives a feeling of joy and involvement of a person in the present moment, i.e. brings him back to a living, not a thinking state, this is still a deep source of clues. Focusing on their own physical sensations, a person begins to feel the world better, up to predicting events. Naturally, the relationship with one's own body affects the development of self-confidence.

Ignorance and inability to defend psychological boundaries is both a cause and a consequence of self-doubt, closing the circle. Knowing the boundaries allows you to make positive communication better, and minimize the negative. The most common sign of a weakening of internal boundaries is the inability to refuse, and the other pole of the same reason is refusal to everyone. This behavior is formed in childhood, when refusal led to punishment, humiliation or defiance. In adulthood, the more a person bends, allowing others to destroy his boundaries and enter personal territory with impunity (justifying this by saying that the person is dear and beloved), the more the defense function atrophies and, if necessary, a person may become confused from not knowing how to protect their mental state, doubting their abilities.

Signs of self-doubt

Self-doubt is a trait that does not have age, gender or national characteristics. It is most often laid in childhood, but can also occur in adulthood, under the influence of life events. A sign that characterizes the presence of self-doubt is the unwillingness to get into the spotlight, it does not matter whether it is a censure from the leader in front of the whole team or an award on stage. For an insecure person, any increased attention to his person causes severe stress, since there is no positive experience of behavior in such situations.

Often there is embarrassment when receiving gratitude (while constantly seeking approval), a desire to diminish one's merits or in general to make a person have nothing to do with what he is praised for. The same fear turns on, because having accepted gratitude, we also accept responsibility for what has been done. This is a kind of statement to the world “I am”, while an insecure person tends, on the contrary, to disappear or become less noticeable.

Self-doubt also manifests itself on a physical level. Such people have an extinct look, an emotionless quiet voice, and stuttering is possible. Movements can be jerky (when they don’t know how best to please) or constrained (when fear, having manifested itself, begins to increase). The shoulders are usually folded, there is stoop and hunchback - all these manifestations are caused by the desire to hide, curl up, take up as little space as possible.

In addition to these more or less obvious and logical signs of uncertainty, there are also more subtle ones. For example, frequent resentments are inherent in people who cannot protect themselves and represent a manipulative way of influencing the situation, while a confident person will act openly. A person's speech can tell a lot about him, so talkativeness, gossip, obscene expressions are just a mask, a defensive reaction behind which lies a vulnerable essence and an inability to find adequate ways to defend one's interests.

Where there is no calm, open and friendly attitude towards oneself and others, uncertainty is hidden, and in an escaping or attacking form, it depends on the individual.

How to overcome self-doubt?

The first step towards overcoming the feeling of self-doubt is to recognize its presence, not to run away from this fear, but to get to know it, to see in what situations it arises, from what it increases, and from what it decreases. It is impossible to get rid of that which is not given a name. And only after identifying the problem, you can build a plan on how to overcome self-doubt.

Start going beyond the usual actions and rituals, open the door to something new. Do something atypical or scary a few times a week. If you are sure that gray suits you - buy a red dress, consider dating on the street unsafe - talk to a random passerby, and all in the same vein. The more you expand the list of such actions, the faster you will discover new interesting things in yourself and the world.

One of the reasons for the development of uncertainty is the reason for the loss of contact with the body - return it. Sign up for the sport or dance that you enjoy. Perhaps it will be yoga or jogging in the morning, or maybe a massage. Listen to your desires and carry out all the actions that will help restore vitality to your body. Of the side effects - improved posture, figure, well-being and sleep.

Connect to your conscious activities. Play situations leading to your success, visualize, imagine smells, tastes and touches. Your task is to fully experience the upcoming activity in a positive way, using the emotional sphere. What we think about programs our activity, respectively, the more often you scroll through a failed scenario, the more likely it is that in the situation that has arisen you will start acting on it automatically. Play it safe - lay in your subconscious mind a favorable scenario that brings success.

Practice relationships. It is better to start with the closest people, as the safest in the manifestation and initiation of contact. Show your feelings, let it be in the form of a surprise for them - an invitation to the theater, an insignificant present. Try to give others positive emotions, using this as a way to build contact. But at the same time, listen delicately to yourself so that the giving of joy does not grow into service and stepping on the throat of your own song.

There are many recommendations, the essence is the same - you must gradually move forward, while not experiencing extreme unpleasant emotions. A certain tension, anxiety from the new - yes, fear, discomfort and compulsion - no.

How to overcome fear and self-doubt?

Inability to defend one’s interests, despite being completely right, to express one’s feelings in a form understandable to the opponent, to establish contact and get to know each other, to answer no, to lead people along, to offer new idea These problems arise at the intersection of uncertainty and fear.

Due to constant failures in communication, the negative emotional background increases, and the person either finally stops trying to establish interaction and withdraws into himself, or becomes redundant in a defensive position. But before the critical moment of no return has arrived, many are trying to do something about their social fear. Reading useful articles is the first step, but real actions are needed, practiced in Everyday life with living people.

It is worth understanding such an axiom that everyone has fears, insecurity and complexes. Successful in interaction is not the one who destroyed them in himself (this is impossible), but the one who concentrates on communication. Those. when talking to a person, your focus should be on the conversation and the topic being discussed, and not on your own fears. Otherwise, vicious circle- you think about your fears, scrolling through various fiascos, while your brain is busy with your own thoughts, the interlocutor suffers from a lack of attention, you miss significant parts of the conversation, which is why communication becomes a failure. If you followed the emotional reactions of a person, lined up a decent selection of arguments, i.e. were in the conversation itself, then everything would have gone well.

Another common fear is not being accepted, not appreciated. It has almost a genetic condition, because being an outcast in ancient times meant inevitable death. From this fear, indecision is born in the manifestation of one's own individuality, the desire not to stick out and merge with the crowd. The paradox lies in the fact that it is the grays and no personalities that are interesting or important. It is more interesting to learn about even the most ardent enemy, and this emotionally involves more in communication than a person who does not have his own opinion and tries to please. Strive to live according to your own convictions, without trying to please everyone. There will always be those who will be dissatisfied with you, only in one case you live to please them, betray yourself and deprive yourself of pleasure, in the second you may also not like others, but catch a buzz, living in your own interests. And most likely, it is this position in life that will attract friends, supporters and like-minded people to you.

Overcoming any fear and self-doubt lies in constant training and gradually raising the bar. If you are afraid of heights, then start gradually climbing higher and higher, start by looking out from the balcony of the second floor, gradually reaching the roof of a high-rise building or the top of a mountain. Similarly, with communication - if you are afraid to meet people, then you can start by asking three people a day for time, then getting to know each other, and then having half-hour dialogues with new acquaintances. It is important to gradually build up the missing frightening skill.

If your insecurity and fear of failure are caused by an objective lack of knowledge (for example, professional), then it makes no sense to develop a confident voice and rehearse a persuasive speech - it is worth improving your skills and the knowledge itself will fill the missing reserve of calmness.

The main rule of victory is friendliness. You can have any kind of shortcomings, do not meet high criteria, enter into a completely unfamiliar company, but if you show friendliness, then it is you who are psychologically right, and the people around you, instead of attacking, ridiculing or pointing out mistakes, will seek to suggest, help or protect.