Status about those who climb into someone else's family. Why do people like to pry into other people's lives?
Tips and gossip, secret discussions and open criticism, pandering and other attempts to influence the lives of others...
Is this "complex of military actions" connected with good neighborliness, sincere indifference and devoted friendship? Those who do not have their own personal lives (or have them, but they are rather boring) are very fond of climbing into someone else's. Why?
Why people climb into someone else's life: 7 main reasons
But they are very surprised when an ill-wisher visits their page and begins to write offensive and caustic comments.
Do not feed gossips with bread - let someone else's personal life be discussed. They revel in this position of the observer: they get the sweetest pieces of the "neighbor's pie", the very first news, intrigues, violent quarrels.
They will snipe, slander and ridicule, or revealingly sympathize, support and give advice.
People get almost physical pleasure: this process is accompanied by emotional arousal, the release of hormones, excitement, a surge of energy, a sense of power. 
A couple of friends broke up and are dividing property? A great opportunity to analyze their marriage in detail.
Neighbor cheated on wife with nanny? Oh, what a scoundrel, but where was she looking! A young colleague cheated on her elderly sponsor? So it was clear to everyone that she was with him for the sake of money.
There can be many reasons why people climb into someone else's life:
1. Low self-esteem. Other people's problems brighten up the existence of those who consider themselves losers and unpopular personalities.
2. Problems in the family, at work, with health, as well as dissatisfaction with appearance and, in general, fate. People are driven by the desire to make sure that others - rich, educated, famous, beautiful - live worse than they do. You read bad news - and your soul immediately becomes brighter, more optimistic.
3. Envy and bad upbringing. They simply didn’t explain to people that prying into other people’s affairs is bad manners.
4. Character traits. An extroverted nature and an influential person who is used to being in the center of events is not enough own life. She has an almost physiological need to get into the personal space of her comrades and colleagues with advice.
5. Desire to get bright emotions. Often the discussion of fresh gossip causes awe, ecstasy, excitement, the release of hormones of pleasure.
6. Absence of a full-fledged life filled with events and impressions. It is easy to compensate if you go headlong into living someone else's. The squabbles and quarrels that take place behind the neighbor's wall are more interesting than the Brazilian series.
7. Banal boredom. Sometimes people just have nothing to do - for example, in the workplace.
It is much more pleasant to spend time washing other people's bones than preparing an annual report. Especially if the age women's team(the weaker sex has cravings in the blood).
In our country, the concept of personal boundaries is very blurred. Both in decorous English and in American society, only the closest circle (say, parents, best friends, spouses) can ask intimate questions.
The same applies to face-to-face discussions, advice, and criticism. In our country, any passer-by can give out his weighty five kopecks, even the cleaner of the station toilet. And on all these personal boundaries, intimate zones and other people's freedoms, she very sharply “sneezes”.
Why is it important for people to talk about others
A husband comes home from work, a tired wife is waiting for him at home, they spend another evening out of a thousand of the same together. We need to talk about something, and then just mutual friends decided to get a divorce.
A great chance to get into someone else's life for a while, identify the culprit, sympathize with the victim, experience new emotions, argue and criticize. The evening ceases to be languid, and in the morning both return "to the machine" and forget the empty conversation.
The desire to gossip and discuss someone else's life can arise spontaneously. Often such conversations are completely harmless, and the subject under discussion will never know about intriguing conversations.
It is important for people to look up to someone, to draw conclusions, to condemn something, to support something, in a word, to be an active participant in society.
Troubles are delivered by moments when people climb into someone else's life openly, impudently and assertively.
So, my friend Tatyana has been complaining about the staff of her office for the seventh year now. Every day it becomes a favorite subject of discussion - everyone is willing to give advice and ask questions.
At first, they asked how it happened that at the age of 28 she was still not married. “Hurry up, youth is running out. And the guy you have anywhere is ideal! Get it soon. It's even weird that he chose you." Then, when their dream finally came true, they began to press: it's time to acquire offspring.
A child appeared, Tanya went on maternity leave - a year and a half of peace and quiet. I returned to the office - again a million tips: hire a nanny, take care of yourself, follow your husband, take a loan, go on vacation alone.
And when Tatyana decided to file for divorce (after the betrayal of that very perfect guy), colleagues almost surrounded her with a pitchfork: “Think about it, stupid, who will need you with a child! Sit down and be patient, you yourself got mixed up in this.
A person who loves to climb into other people's lives with criticism and advice should ask himself the question: why am I doing this? Am I satisfied with my destiny, achievements, family, work? Are I satisfied with my life, leisure, relationships with a partner, friends?
Having admitted to himself the true motives of an unhealthy interest, he will begin to disturb others less and will be able to decide on changes in his own and only life.
When people have nothing to do, they begin to get bored and look for an excuse to somehow make their existence more interesting. Usually this problem occurs in older people who have a lot of free time and nothing to do. Some find their calling in creativity, others in watching TV shows, and still others find their interest in following the development of other people's events. Lack of self-interest and ignorance of what to do pushes a person into fascinating surveillance of neighbors or acquaintances.Lack of personal privacy
Very often, when a person does not have a personal life, he tries to live someone else's. Since many abilities, feelings and emotions remained unrealized, he seeks to somehow experience them. A person gradually joins the events of the life of another, with an interesting fate and a combination of circumstances. The most successful "victim" is selected, whose life is under scrutiny. At the same time, a curious person eventually loses a sense of reality and begins to feel part of one whole - he perceives the events of someone else's life as his own and cannot remain indifferent to solving problems. A person constantly notes that he personally would not have done this. Moreover, he can be simply furious and indignantly exclaim what wrong decisions are being made. In his heart, he does not admit to himself that this is just a game, but considers himself a sincere helper and connoisseur of human life.Curiosity
Some climb with advice and questions into someone else's personal life out of habit. From childhood, their natural curiosity was encouraged by their parents, and it is even possible that there was such a tradition in the family - to discuss life events and the actions of acquaintances. If such a curious person has never been rebuffed in a company, a person takes his interest as a matter of course. Moreover, very often people consider their curiosity as a manifestation of attention to others, and sometimes even a sense of duty.Rivalry
People can get into someone else's personal life and be interested in details not only out of curiosity, but also out of a desire to compare living conditions. They will not be able to forgive themselves if someone lives better or has achieved high results in something. Love to compete makes you go and find out the details of someone else's life. As a result of intelligence data, such a person makes a plan in what and how he can surpass his rival. After that, a tough competitive struggle begins, and its main goal is to prove its superiority.Ecology of life. People: For some reason, it is generally accepted that teaching an unfamiliar person about life is quite normal. Set...
My mother-in-law is now actively equipping the dacha, adding something there, modernizing it. The other day, a practically unfamiliar woman who lives in a neighboring area approached her and asked: “Do you have nowhere to put your money?! And it was so normal. Why do you need a balcony, a terrace and a private well?”
Many years ago, in my fourth year at university, I dropped out of school. My neighbor on the porch accidentally knows this story, as she teaches there. Soon it will be almost twenty years, as an outside woman haunts me with the question of when I will return and finish my studies. I'm afraid to meet her in the elevator, near the store, and in general, soon I will start hiding from her in dark alleys. Because I'm tired of explaining and justifying myself to a stranger on a topic that has not been in my life for a hundred thousand years. Because in principle we should not explain and justify ourselves.
The only thing worse is that my employment history lies at home. But, thank God, few people know about it. They would eat it.
How much are you paid?
Why aren't you at the cottage? Don't you have?
Why don't you think about retirement?
Why don't you have more kids?
Oh, you're at the clinic too. What happened to you?
And who keeps you?
You have recovered. Is it just that or is there a reason?
How do you tolerate a non-working husband?
Why did you drop out of university?
Have you seen what kind of car the Ivanovs bought?! It's too expensive.
Everyone has something to do with everything. Everyone needs to know and appreciate.
Why did you get married so early? Got pregnant? Why did you get married so late? Did you twist your nose? Why didn't you get married at all? Nobody took it? Why did you give birth early? Now you will throw off children on grandmothers. Why was she born late? Now the children will be sick. Didn't give birth at all? What kind of woman is this! Do you breastfeed for a long time? Abnormal. Feeding little? Don't think about the child. Do you not feed at all? What kind of mother are you! Do you work a lot? Abandoned family. Do you work a little? Think about retirement. Are you looking good? Lover contains. Are you looking bad? Lazy cow. Too skinny? We need to eat more. Too fat? You need to eat less...
And who are the judges? Well, what do we care?
They also say that you don't have to worry about what people think of you, because everyone is only concerned with themselves and what you think of them. No matter how.
In this regard, the stories of those who left for permanent residence outside the post-Soviet space are very revealing. The notorious freedom lies, among other things, in these little things (little things?) - when others don’t care how you dress, what you feed your child and why you still haven’t got married. That's why they go in the morning in pajamas for fresh pastries.
Just recently, a post by a Russian-speaking resident of the United States, which gained an incredible number of reposts and likes, was walking around the Web, writing about such a phenomenon as “non-judgment” and which is so difficult for “our” people to get used to.
You have the right to express your opinion only if it directly concerns you, she wrote. - Only if you get paid for it or it happens in your house. Everything.
In all other cases, it's none of our business, we pass by, we don't linger. Or we talk about the weather. Because everything else is unceremonious and inappropriate.
And if no one is being abused and no one needs saving, then everything else is none of our business. They feed the child formula or candy, leave universities or jobs, live or join the ranks of childfree, apply tattoos all over the body or shave their heads. What's our business?
Why somewhere they run to the store in pajamas, and somewhere they teach girls not to go out without makeup and even take out the trash with their hair. Are there many people you meet along the way? They will condemn.
We still have not grown out of short soviet pants and the tradition of discussing others, sitting on a bench near the entrance. Same manner. Just more aggression.
We are not one bit tolerant. Pamyarka Belarusians, who do not delve into the problems that really require solutions, are ready to tear apart anyone whose opinion differs from ours. In the little things.
Also interesting:
And it's not about the "hut on the edge." It's not about sitting quietly and keeping your head down. But just when it is necessary to intervene - for example, someone is being beaten in the entrance, and it would be necessary to see if, for example, a person's life can be saved - suddenly "no one is at home." Or ask a boorish car owner to remove his SUV from the sidewalk, because of which both young and old are forced to crawl out onto the roadway. Or insist that the formidable owner of the pit bull clean up after his dog, who left a “trace” on the playground. No, we don't care about that. We'd just like to chime in... published
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Getting acquainted with the inhabitants of the virtual universe, we carefully, albeit gradually, study both the avatar of the interlocutor and his status. Because, creating their own status, everyone, of course, wants to be non-standard and original, to surprise with something, to interest the interlocutor. This rule applies to social networks, and forums or individual blogs. If a person has something to say, and he is able to find words to express his creed in this life, and these words are concise and easy to write and perceive, then this will be a big plus for the author of the status. Although there are times when you want to use ready-made templates, changing them according to the mood that visited us today, at this particular moment in life.Status topics are very diverse: there are, for example, statuses that cause a smile or even Homeric laughter. But there is another, no less interesting category - statuses "about life", with philosophical overtones, having studied which sometimes there is a desire to stop for a moment and think. After all, they are often based on wise aphorisms, thoughts of famous political figures, quotations from the classics, sayings of philosophers or great scientists. But these people were able to achieve a lot in this life, not always, however, realizing its true meaning, but at the same time constantly being in search of it. It cannot be said, of course, that all user statuses are filled with cosmic wisdom and meaning and, thanks to this, as they say, to the fullest, “load” the interlocutor.
After all, there are, indeed, anecdotal situations in our lives that characterize well the current situation or the attitude to this or that situation of a particular user, ironically, or by chance, who has now become your counterpart on the World Wide Web. Sometimes, simply and naturally surfing the net in your free time from work or home affairs, you come across such deep, with philosophical overtones, as they say “about life”, statuses that characterize this life so capaciously and interestingly that it can hook you, as they say, to the core. And if the owner of the status, did not forget to mention the authorship of this or that original phrase, it often happens that after reading it, you have a desire to learn more about him - this is how interest is shown in some person who lived perhaps thousands of years ago, but whose thoughts are absolutely consonant with yours at this moment in time.