Why are people afraid of loneliness. Causes of loneliness

Negative sides loneliness. How to deal with this problem.

Every person is afraid of being alone more than anything. Loneliness is fearful and depressing. Sometimes we are sure that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Indeed not, if it is a voluntary desire, independent of external factors: lack of friends, soulmate, work.

Man suffers when he is alone. As a result, these experiences can lead to irreparable consequences. First of all, it's depression. If a person sees that everyone around is happy, they begin to “cross the cats” on his soul. At this point, an inferiority complex may arise. To a young woman who is constantly surrounded happy families and successful people, it begins to seem that she is the most unhappy, ugly and unlucky. And low self-esteem is an enemy that ruined the life of more than one person. Loneliness in this situation is perceived as a cross, for the fight against which there is not enough strength and desire.

A person who is captured by loneliness loses faith in luck and happiness, giving up. A woman can stop caring for herself, avoiding even banal looks in the mirror. "Why do I need it? After all, nothing will change, no one needs me anyway, ”she will argue.

Loss of interest in life is the main sign of loneliness. And, indeed, our loved ones inspire us for all actions and achievements. And if there is no one around, then apathy gradually sets in. Lost interest in everything. Agree, if there is no one to discuss the book you read, then you don’t want to read it anymore. Yes, and rarely does anyone go to the cinema alone, more and more often in pairs. And if art, reading and film premieres become uninteresting, then personality degradation begins.

A person who experiences loneliness deeply, as a rule, is seriously drained emotionally. He is constantly haunted by thoughts of his fate and his own uselessness. Unfortunately, often emotional exhaustion provokes physical exhaustion. A person begins to get sick more often, but he sees no point in resisting physical ailments.

Single women, in most cases, tend to seize their own problems. It's no secret that a man wants to drown his grief in alcohol, and a woman - in a plate. Feeling sorry for herself, she does not resist the temptation to eat a cake or an additional portion of a side dish. And imperceptibly, a new problem can join loneliness - excess weight.

Loneliness is a disease that should not be ignored. There are many ways to help distract from bad thoughts. For example, loneliness can be viewed as freedom. Just imagine that you are a free bird, do not belong to anyone and do not have to justify yourself to anyone. You can devote all your free time to self-development by attending various courses and exhibitions. Once you have your own family, making this a reality won't be easy. In addition, you can find friends on the Internet, chatting with them as much as you like. But you can not fall into dependence on virtual dating, so as not to get new disappointments.

Marriage is one of the major institutions in the world. Two people are tied in a marriage knot, form a family and live together for the rest of their lives. Although most people still believe in the concept of marriage and connect with their life partner, there is another breed of people who lead a single life. Of course, their reasons may be varied, their status is the same - unmarried. Some people remain alone unwittingly, others consciously choose loneliness as their way of life. Next, we attempt to explore the reasons why people choose to be alone throughout their lives.

Didn't find the right person

One of the common reasons why people don't get married or stay single is that they haven't met the right person for yourself. Either they have too many expectations from a potential partner or they were unlucky enough to meet a guy / girl of their time. Whatever the reason, the result is that they are lonely. They continue to search for that “perfect” partner, or eventually come to terms with the fact that they will never find their soul mate and try to live a happy, single life.

Burnt in milk - blowing on water

There are many people who fall in love and end up hurting themselves. Not everyone in this world understands the meaning of such words as devotion, commitment and fidelity. Those people who have had the misfortune to meet an unfaithful partner prefer not to get involved with another person, at least in this life. They do not want to put themselves at risk and break their hearts again, they prefer to remain alone.

Fear of responsibility

There is another group of people who are afraid of commitment. They don't really like the idea of ​​someone coming into their lives and demanding time, love, care and affection. Such people are too busy with themselves to pay attention to the needs of other people. Such a person prefers to lead a life that revolves around him - their needs and happiness.

family responsibilities

In some cases, a person is too busy when performing duties towards his family. In some cases, responsibilities occupy their young years of life and by the time they are free from them, it will be too late or too difficult to find a partner. Another scenario is that a person remains faithful to his family and responsibilities throughout his life and continues to live a life where he is surrounded by many friends and family members, but alone.

They love to be alone

Many people find it difficult to understand the concept of marriage, there are many people who love the single life. They saw that there were too many failed relationships and decided that it was better to stay alone. They believe that although there are some disadvantages in being alone, they see more disadvantages in family life. Thus, they decide to be single, but always ready for companionship.

Too ambitious

There will always be a few people who have been too busy with their careers to live with a wife and children who need attention. Now that the concept of women's liberalization is gaining momentum, there are many women who want to lead a single life because they believe that their career is more important to them. Such people shudder at the thought of losing their dreams, of having to look after their husband or children. Instead of getting divorced later, they prefer to stay single.

I will tell you the life story of my good friend.
When he was 21 years old, he suddenly lost his father, mother and older sister.
They were driving from their grandmother's funeral.
Mother and sister died immediately. The father might have survived, but he was trapped in the car.
The accident happened at night, and the frost was over 30 degrees. He died of hypothermia.
Sergei did not go to the funeral, because at that moment he was in the hospital.
Some thugs attacked him at the entrance, robbed him, smashed his head and injured his eye (he had to be removed later).
He didn't have any relatives.
The money for the funeral and the funeral itself was organized by the trade union of the enterprise where the parents worked.
Sergei was not even at the funeral. I left the hospital and went to the cemetery.
Imagine, only recently his relatives were alive, they came to him in the hospital and are already lying in the ground.
Sergey said: “I went and did everything mechanically. I thought I died with them. Life has lost its meaning.
One day I was walking from the cemetery and sat down on a bench in the park, not far from my house. I sat with my head in my hands and thought about how to live on.
At that moment, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up and saw an 8 year old boy.
“Uncle, give me some money,” he said.
I asked why. “Buy food,” he replied.
Then I invited him to go with me to a cafe and eat. But he refused. He said that if he ate in a cafe, then he would have nothing to bring into the common cauldron.
It turned out that he ran away from the orphanage and spends the night under the platforms with a company of fugitives like him.
Then Sergei realized that there are people whose lives are even harder than his.
He has a house, a job, money. He studies in absentia at the institute and will soon become a graduate. So not everything is as bad as it seems.
Sergei decided to help Maxim and began to come every day to the place of their first meeting and bring food. On the way home from work.
Helped him get back to Orphanage. Seriously talked to those who offended him. Helped with homework. He became, in the truest sense of the word, an older brother.
Now Sergey is already a mature man. He has grown children. Soon to be a grandfather.
Maxim also has a family. He is the father of two sons.
Graduated, like Sergei, a construction institute. They have their own construction company.
Despite the difference in age, they are friends who understand each other perfectly.
They organized charitable foundation helping orphanages.
So, helping another in trouble, Sergey was able to get out of trouble himself.
He has a favorite saying: "Think less about yourself, help others in trouble."
For native hearts, death is a temporary separation. Resurrection and meeting ahead.
Forever part only strangers to each other people.

Good evening! My name is Irina, my husband left me a month ago. Lived for 3 years, said he needed a break and in a month
announce your decision. A month passed, he said that he decided to leave. He said that he no longer loves and sees no point in
further coexistence. I don’t understand anything, how can you fall out of love so quickly, forget all our happy
moments, to give up everything that he did with his own hands, that he amassed during this time.
I was left alone, it is very hard and painful for me. Such an emptiness formed in life, everything that I loved (cooking, equipping
our housing, spending time with my husband, dreaming of a future together, traveling) is gone and will never happen again with
by this person.
How to deal with my loss? How not to hope, not to wait and not even yearn for the body, smell, laughter, warmth that my husband gave me,
by his care, by the fact that we will never have anything again?
Thanks in advance to everyone who answers me.

Support the site:

Irina, age: 32 / 26.10.2017

Responses:

Irochka, I want to support you. Just support. Get yourself together. The man made his decision. Everything. you are spared from betrayals, swings, etc. Most likely, there was another. And he just used you, and you believed. It's so easy to believe what you want. Divide property without forgetting your interests. Your future children will need everything, remember this! And this man ... "As you will remember the water that has flowed." With time. Read the site, grow spiritually, you will still be grateful to this M. for a new page in your life. All the best is ahead of you!

Pella, age: 56/10/27/2017

Hello Irina. I understand your feelings very well. A year ago, my husband left me (he left me with two small children, the youngest at that time was only six months old). I did not understand how my own, the most beloved, the most caring, could do this to me and to our children, whom we wanted together. There was so much pain, misunderstanding of what was happening, there was a feeling that a tank drove over me, and I remained alive, feeling all this pain ... There was such confusion .... it seemed that my world had broken into many fragments, I did not want to live .. I thought that there was no point in life ... But a year later, after what happened, I can tell you for sure that this acute pain will pass, slowly, but it will become easier. You will want to rejoice and be happy again. Just give yourself time to recover, time really heals. Think not why this happened to you, but FOR what? Perhaps such a test is given to us women so that we reconsider our attitude towards ourselves, towards life. Love yourself. Realize your importance to yourself. Take care of your self-development. Sign up for dancing. Go to the cinema, to the theatre. Change your hair, change your wardrobe. Feel that you are a beautiful, young woman and your life can be happy, regardless of anyone. Life after the betrayal of a loved one does not end, I can tell you for sure. If he did this to you, then it was not your man, your fate is still ahead of you! I'm sure everything will be fine with you, you will definitely be happy. Remember that everything passes, and this difficult period of life will also pass.

Rybka, age: 27/27.10.2017

Hello, I want to immediately apologize for my mistakes, Russian is not my native language. I am in a similar state, only my beloved decided to leave to think and I'm waiting. I think that now I have similar hopes that you had. And probably in the depths of my soul I understand that he will not return. My advice is, probably everything has its time, and if it hurts, then just put up with this pain without trying to artificially try to get rid of it. Time will heal the wounds, but unfortunately you need to go through this stage without deceiving yourself that everything is fine.

Aneta, age: 26 / 27.10.2017

Dear, dear Irina! My story is almost 11 months old, she also remained alone in her house, she also loved to cook for her husband, equip our housing, built by our joint efforts, dream of a joint future, travel. All this is already a thing of the past, my husband, secretly from me, decided to completely change his life and I simply was not in his plans, now we do not communicate at all. Our marriage is 12 years old. For 11 months, so much has been suffered, so much has been changed and cried out beyond words. What I want to tell you, Irina. The main thing is not to waste time and go to an Orthodox church and slowly come to God, talk to the priest. Turn to God in prayers in your own words, tell everything that hurts. God is very close to every person, He is near, and loves us more than his own mother. Therefore, we are not alone. Our holy angel is always with us. Without God's help, the recovery process can drag on for a very long time. To yearn, of course, is natural, but it will also subside. With GOD'S help, we survive everything. As for the hope of returning and waiting, don't think about it at all, just try not to think about it. We don’t know how things will turn out, maybe it will return, maybe it won’t, don’t bother with it. We must completely trust God and just move on. If you become a believer, Irina, your outlook on life will change, it will be easier to survive any life test. And you have to pray for your husband, so the priests tell me, he has gone astray. Cheer up, Irina, everything in life passes and it will pass and peace will come, and then the joy of life will return to you. WITH GOD!

Sveta, age: 38 / 27.10.2017

Good afternoon, Irina! I sincerely sympathize with you and understand you well: the situation is exactly the same, except that more than 5 months have passed. I know that it’s hard to believe it now, but: no one took your life from you! No one took away the opportunity to cook, travel, dream! All this remains, now try to take care of YOURSELF, not to analyze the situation. Get distracted as much as possible, think about which of your relatives or friends you would like to spend time with now, what needs you have long wanted to realize - and direct all your efforts to this. Do not sit in your thoughts: try to understand that your strength is in yourself, and not somewhere outside, and use all means to activate it as much as possible: it can be sports, courses, some kind of professional bar. And all this horror will gradually recede, and there, you see, you will decide the situation "from a position of strength", only the strength will now be your own.

Hold on, Irina. It will get a little better soon if you try to unstick yourself as much as possible now.

Julia, age: 31 / 27.10.2017

Hello Irina! My husband left me two months ago, and we lived with him for 14 years, we have a child of 13 years. He simply did not come home, said that we were strangers, took things and went to his beloved woman. I understand your pain, it hurts the most. How to live on? I don't know, I still can't believe this happened to me. But I know for sure that I need to live on, go forward with small steps, fill myself up (collect from fragments), do everyday ordinary things, force myself to take care of myself, raise my head, notice the beauty of the world around us. Hold on, everything that is not done is done for the better. This I repeat to myself and tell you. Everything will be fine, life goes on! Happiness to you!

Oksana, age: 34 / 27.10.2017

Irina, it’s hard to survive this without knowledge and skills. Few people prepare for this in advance, right? It was strange. Although this is not at all redundant. At first, restrain yourself from longing by force - it only makes things worse, that's my opinion. What needs to be done right away is to set a deadline when it will be more or less tolerable. Tell yourself - a month, two, you decide for yourself. And read, read, read this site or something that helps (it is important that it helps, and not vice versa). In this state, it is even difficult to read and delve into what is written. But it must be done. Now your body is reacting to this event, so you have first sensations, then feelings. They need to realize what you have already done: longing. And then you have to move on. And best of all in the truest sense of the word: even dance. Physical activity. For women, dance has always been such a helper. Dance all this pain and slowly let go each time. The worst thing you can do is suppress the natural feeling of longing, being afraid of it, it can and will work, but by suppressing the unpleasant feeling, suppress the pleasant ones. This is a dead end. You don't have to go there.) It's only been a month, get ready for some turbulence, but always remember that you'll get out and land at a friendly, beautiful, good airport with plenty of opportunities for you. And for this you need love. First, to yourself, because you yourself would not have flown with such a pilot who does not love himself and he does not care, by and large, whether he will fly or not, because "everything is bad and longing is stuck with him." So, the flight will not be easy, but you will fly to the promised land. Believe me. And yes, pray in flight.

Elena, age: 35 / 28.10.2017

Irina! I would so like to tell you that it is not worth your tears and time heals .. But I understand perfectly well that until you go your own way, you will not accept this. It's great that you came to this site at the very beginning of your journey, consider that you have already visited a psychologist, psychotherapist, neurologist)) Not to mention the fact that almost all the letters of women who have passed their way are literally saturated with one valuable thought - that all suffering lead to God. It will be easier when you understand that what happened is not a punishment, but a chance to change yourself. It is a chance, because now everything is in your hands. And if you don't do anything, nothing will change. I was lucky, life made me move, there were children nearby who didn’t know anything and I couldn’t say a word or shed tears. But this is a great happiness, as I understand after a while. It was as if I was paralyzed - all my life ended at once. happy life and I just went blind and deaf. Each moment is lived in its own way. Someone sorts things out, asks to return, someone files for divorce. I took care of the kids! It just fell into some timeless space and lived on autopilot. Irina! You need to occupy yourself so that there is no time for tears! Motion! Sometimes it seemed to me that I was like a driven horse and I would not have enough strength to run to the final. Enough, Irina! Work, sports, reading soulful literature and own work over yourself, of course. Nothing without this. It will be scary to throw, from love to hate, both to him and to yourself. From longing, from loneliness, from fear, from shame .. I remember how ashamed I was of what people would say ... When I came across this site, I simply drowned in the tears of broken women .. For me it was a complete discovery, I I grew up in a complete family and there were more often happy families around me, and if they broke up, then without much dramaturgy. I read half the night, shedding tears, but after that I felt better. Most importantly, in the description of all the prodigal husbands, I recognized my own, just one face. And I realized that this is a diagnosis. Yes, it happens, yes, you are present at such an unusual and frightening phenomenon as the transformation of your once loving, caring, quivering husband into an indifferent, cold, cynical and alien person. And you start to slowly let it go. From life, from thoughts, filling the void with other, more valuable material. Irina, the sooner you realize that this person is already a stranger, the sooner it will become easier for you. Read, grow up, such shocks greatly affect the worldview. Listen to yourself! You will discover many new things in yourself that you may not have known. And how many discoveries are yet to come! In the end, you know what I'll tell you .. Almost two years have passed .. I almost recovered, and my vision returned, and my hearing and voice. I want to live again! I have a family, my children! And he chose his own path. You see, everything happens not by chance, for some reason it was given to us. Listen to yourself, your heart, do not do things that you will regret later. Do not try to return him, and for the love of all that is holy, do not meddle in his life, try to disengage from his life as much as possible! Live yours! Irina, good luck to you! I empathize with you with all my heart, but I know that everything will work out, you just need to follow the path of good and not turn off. Strength to you! Many hugs!

Native, age: 45 / 29.10.2017

Irina, I want to support you. Even though I still don't know how I'm going to live. The head always says one thing, but the heart says something else. But after reading the stories, I realized one thing - you can’t get hung up, you need to move forward with your head held high. It hurts you a lot, the grief of loss tears to pieces, but I believe in you. Every person deserves to be happy. And you will surely be happy, you just have to wait. With all my heart I am with you

Lyusi, age: 30 / 29.10.2017

My name is Natalya.
I am 55 years old and I have been retired for a year now. I dreamed of a happy and work-free life with my husband.
I thought that we would live for ourselves and restore our health. But everything turned out differently. My husband had a heart operation - I nursed him for six months. After treatment in the hospital, he was sent for treatment to a sanatorium, where he met a young woman, 15 years younger than him (she was not married and has no children), upon returning from the sanatorium, he files for divorce with me and leaves for her in another city.

For me it was a blow. He didn't even spare his daughter. He left his family on the day of his daughter's marriage. We have been married to him for 30 years. And, having received such a betrayal, I lost interest in life. For the first three months, I traveled to the monasteries, prayed, asked for his return. I called him twice and asked him to come back, and he only humiliated me. It's been 9 months since he left, and I'm still crying and tormenting myself with thoughts of his return.

I am ready to forgive everything and accept him, if only he was there. I understand that I began to idealize him, but I can not do anything.
He is constantly in my thoughts day and night. I exhaust myself with these thoughts. I'm very tired of everything. I was left all alone. The children have scattered from the parental nest, creating their own families, and live very far from me. I can no longer work for health reasons.
I try to occupy myself with beadwork of the faces of saints, I go to church. And at the same time I continue to sin, constantly thinking about him.
My strength is already running out, there were thoughts of suicide, but so far common sense takes its toll. But sometimes I just became afraid of myself.
It is very scary to be completely alone at this age. I lost the meaning of life, lost myself...
And so I want to be happy.

Support the site:

Natalia, age: 55 / 20.02.2015

Responses:

Dear Natalia!
Yes, it is unbearably hard when a husband suddenly leaves after so many years of married life. Try to collect your life all the same.
Perhaps you don’t need to work, if you can’t for health reasons, you have children, maybe they can somehow help in this situation.
Thoughts of suicide come clearly from unfriendly forces, there are even places that inspire such thoughts, actively pray at this time that God will take them away from you. Walk around the city, try to notice the positive and beautiful things that surround you. Go to the hospital to the children (or to the orphanage), just talk, try to bring positive, give them gifts, and you will see how important it is to help others, I speak from my own example.
Do not call your husband, do not be humiliated, the one who needs you will definitely be there.
Yes, you did a lot for him, you took care of him, I think you didn’t sleep for days caring for him, pray for him, because a Christian needs to pray for a person who offends him, especially a close one, although sometimes it’s very difficult. You are not alone, you have your children, try to move closer to them,
so that you are not lonely, and there is support.

Natty, age: 28/20.02.2015

Hello dear Natalia. I can imagine your condition. Unfortunately it happens, these are men. Here you live with a man all your life, both in joy and in sorrow, and then the broads, and some kind of passion for another woman breaks your world. They believed, trusted as themselves, and such a betrayal. It's very hard and painful. In such mamentas they are controlled by demons, passions and destroy everything. He did not stand and did not pass this test. HE is a traitor, not you. Sooner or later, his conscience will start eating, and it's terrible to live with such a sin in his soul. Okay about him, God be his judge. The main thing now is you! I really, really want to support you wholeheartedly. Mentally hug you, and say be patient a little more, it will pass and the pain will subside, you'll see. Everyone has their own time to get through this. You will definitely survive this. Be free and happy. And now it still hurts, only prayers and only God. He will definitely not leave, and will help and guide you further, trust Him. This has been verified by myself. I am also experiencing betrayal now, half a year has passed and with God's help I am slowly surviving, finding myself and my soul. The main thing is that now, no matter how painful it is, but know that it will begin to subside! Take care of your health, I don’t want to, and I need to eat well and vitamins, etc. Fresh air, the first time through I don’t want everything, just by the hair and be distracted as best you can, as health allows. Thoughts about him, immediately pray. At least for days, until the destructive thoughts go away. Humble yourself, you will soon understand what all this was for. Wish him happiness and let him go, there is no other way. And time will put everything in its place. Get a dog if possible, she will love you, wait and you will give her your care. I'm also thinking about this. It is very good that they wrote here, got to this site. They will help you here, do not despair. You are not the only one, there are many of us here with such grief. And there are many who survived all this and help others, and they helped me, and I also try to support with a word and prayer, although I have not yet fully recovered. Please take care of yourself, take care of your health and little by little everything will start to get better. Necessarily! Read the articles of other women here, how they experienced it and learn a lot of new and useful things for yourself. And remember, you are not alone with such grief, there are many of us here. And let's all go through this test together. I hug you tightly, tightly and God bless you. He will manage everything and everything will be fine. Know it. Believe.

Olga, age: 29 / 21.02.2015

Natalya, stop tormenting yourself with suffering about your erring husband. Sit down and gather your thoughts - what did you plan in your life that is impossible to realize without it? Improve health? Well, correct for God's sake, something you do not write anything about how he helped you with your health, more and more about how you helped him. Live for yourself? Well, live, please, why do you need a person next to you who is capable of betrayal, humiliating and offending you? Lost the meaning of life? What was the point? Care for him through the grave of life? Isn't it enough for the meaning of all life?
I understand everything, I myself had to put my hubby out the door when I was already 48. It hurts terribly, it's insulting and bitter, However, 2 years have already passed, and you know what I'll tell you? The meaning of life has nothing to do with it. The seeming injustice offends - how can it be, I cared about him so much, and he! I told him best years gave, and he! The feeling of his own inferiority hurts: how can it be - he found himself a pullet, and she fell for him, so he is still hoo, and I am already everything, the final scum! No one needs anything!
Believe me, all this is not true. Of course, the meaning of your life exists, it is in your children, who, although far away, still love you and they need and care for you, it is in communion with God, who will never leave you without help, just try to turn your whole soul to him, just believe - that he is always for you. Keep yourself occupied not only with lonely embroidery, communicate with people, in church, in the park, anywhere. You will see, there will be those who need your attention, and maybe help, and you will feel completely different!
Don't call him, don't write to him. You know, I once decided this for myself - for me he died. A misfortune happened, it is necessary to mourn and bury. No need to keep a corpse next to you. The one that left is completely different, alien, unfamiliar to you. And yours, beloved and only - died. All.
Gain strength, God is with you and we are ready to support you at any moment, and many more kind people which you don't know yet

dema-80 , age: 50 / 02/21/2015

Anastasia, age: 32 / 21.02.2015

Hello, Natalia! We are namesakes, and the age is about the same ... and the pain is the same. Only mine will soon be three years old. I perfectly understand what is happening in your soul - I myself killed myself three years ago - sobbing, hysterical for days. I wanted one thing - to fall asleep and not wake up. The pain was so unbearable. But now three years have passed - the pain has ceased to be so sharp, tears are rare, and Most importantly, I realized the value of my life. I realized how wrong I was when I asked God to give me strength - not to survive, no, to destroy myself. Now I realized that I need to live, because there will be NOTHING beyond that line ... And life is only yours and it is beautiful, even if there is no husband nearby.
The fact is that BM merged when I became seriously ill. In general, nothing threatened my life, but the disease progresses, and I gradually lose the ability to move. The active lifestyle that we led became beyond my strength, and he (as he put it), not wanting to sit with me as a decrepit old man, found himself a new girlfriend for sports ... and not only sports. left. abandoned. betrayed. did not regret.
How I survived, I don't know. Everything seemed to happen. There will be nothing more. But I lived, worked, went out to people, my daughters bought me a dog - I walked with her. Do not believe it, in the most desperate moments, this wet nose and devoted beady eyes stopped from the irreparable - what will happen to him. Gradually, the acute pain went away, the tears left, but there was no former joy from life - I did not learn to live without it, and only the disease intensified ... But thunder struck. Truly, the Almighty teaches and guides us... Another terrible diagnosis was made - a high probability of oncology. For a month I lived in anticipation of an operation, confirmation of the diagnosis and with thoughts of what needs to be done in this short remaining period.
And on the edge, I realized that there is a lot of beauty in life even without BM, that only the faithful remained nearby. really close people, that even if I can’t walk, I still have the ability to see, hear, feel, create, finally. It is happiness to wake up in the morning, walk (albeit slowly) in the fresh early morning in the park with a dog, inhale this fresh air and squint from the bright morning sun.
Being alone with yourself, planning your day, loading it with everyday worries (they seem to get in the way, but ... Oh, God, what a blessing that they are) ... to understand that there is someone who needs your help, your kindness and care... As they say. if you feel bad, find someone even worse and help him ...
In the end, the diagnosis was not confirmed, but I understood a lot, overestimated it. My initial illness does not scare me so much anymore, the absence of a husband is a nuisance, but I am worried.
I understand, Natalya, that it is very difficult for you now. Time must pass. so that YOU understand that the meaning of life is in life itself. Yours and only yours. Time heals, but it can be helped. No need to think about BM, about his fairy, about how good they are. Think about yourself. Let the traitor die for YOU. That person is no more, and this, the other - no one to you. I don’t advise you to forget your past life - it won’t work, and it’s not necessary: ​​there was good in it. But now new stage. There is only you and you decide who to let into your new life. God will help you, believe, He sends us only those trials that we can survive, from which we become stronger, smarter.
There are many similar stories on the site, a lot of pain. There is also mine, which I wrote six months ago, still in tears and snot ... But now it’s completely different. Hold on dear, happiness is yet to come. Everything will be, believe me)))

Natalia, 48, age: 48 / 02/21/2015

Good day, Natalia.
I understand that a lot of things frighten you, and all of us who were left by our beloved husbands are terrified at first. I don’t even know what’s scarier - when you’re 55 or when you’re 30, and in your arms are two little preschool children, or a baby .. I thought the children have a father, but he disappears ...
Well, in general, we need to focus more attention on the question, why did this happen to me? It is terrible to look into your soul - how many unpleasant things are hidden there! They betray those who are obsessed with their husband. Who is afraid to live alone. Why this fear? This is very important question. True believers are not afraid of anything in life, just ask the priest in the church. To love does not mean to die with fear at the mere thought of separation from a loved one.
When I began to realize how I made myself an idol out of my husband, how I hid behind complete dedication, plowed myself to exhaustion, while drowning in dependence on him, it almost immediately became so easy for me! Working on myself, looking for what provoked such a reaction of a man to myself, I felt that I was doing the right job. She forgave, let go and was generally surprised how she could endure him for so long next to herself and her children!
You need to look in yourself, in your heart for the path to the light, then you can forgive it very easily.
And your plans and your condition are not connected at all with your ex-husband now. If he loved you, none of this would have happened. He played the part of the husband as long as it was convenient. Are you waiting for him to change his mind? One hundred percent - will not change his mind precisely because you are waiting. You must stand firmly on your feet in a psychological sense, for this you live on earth, you are not connected with anyone by the umbilical cord, neither with your husband, nor with your children. The meaning of life is not in connections and relationships. Being with someone will not make you happy. Because who is happy and so, by itself, a good person will be attracted to that.
It is very embarrassing for me to write this, because I do not dare to teach you, I have not gone through so much yet. But I myself was waiting for people's responses to my story... I know how important a response is when trouble and despair seizes.
Do not despair. Each of us at any moment of life has such a lot of work, on ourselves, on our holes and curvature, God forbid, have time to understand and settle at least something.
Look, maybe someone needs your help - to meet a child after school and take him home, to help buy something, I don’t know ... This is very clearing, it helps to see your trouble with different eyes.
I wish you to find a foothold not outside, but inside yourself and achieve spiritual balance.
Read the articles on this site, they are just magical, they heal!
Hold on, you deserve a normal relationship with yourself!

Summer, age: 35 / 21.02.2015

Natasha, dear, hold on! Be patient, pray, but don't give up! The first months are very difficult, I hardly remember my own. How she lived, what she felt, how she behaved, everything was like in a dream. And I also prayed to God, if only I would return, I would forgive everything and never remind you. Now I think it’s good that I didn’t come then, now I won’t let you into my life for anything. You know how it all happened, she asked her neighbor (her husband also left her for a young woman), when will this pain end? In response, she said, you know, Natasha, the sediment will remain for a long time, but that flour, from which there is no rest, will go away. And if suddenly he tries to return, as it was, he will no longer be. Not only because he was able to betray, but because your feelings for him have changed too, even if you don't see it. And when her ex asked back, she said, I can see him next to me, I can talk, feed, smile, but I can’t imagine that he will hug, kiss. It is simply impossible that the same hands, lips, which were affectionate with the other, would be pleasant to you. Now just be patient. Every day I told myself “I am strong, I can handle it”, I asked myself “be patient a little more” and counted the days, a month has passed, two, six months. And you know, the truth has become MUCH easier. If at first it’s hard to wash your face in the morning, and putting your hair and face in order is a whole feat, a smile is only through force, now all these are ordinary things, as before. I smile constantly, even more than before, sincerely laughing. I almost don't cry. It happens sometimes, but I can’t hold back my tears (of course, when no one sees). And you cry, scream, do not keep your pain in yourself. If possible, speak up. Even by herself. Don't feel sorry for yourself! Drag yourself out of this trouble and it will recede, you'll see! Take your time, it would be nice, of course, to find a job (or is there one?), communicate, walk, read. And remember, you can handle it, and even if he is no longer around, this is not the end of life and certainly its meaning. I hug you tightly.

Natalia, age: 42/02/22/2015

Natalya, my dear namesake, you have to pull yourself together. After all, we do not know all of God's plans. We sit and cry, or maybe it was his departure that saved your life. After all, no one can foresee what would happen if he stayed with you. Your task now is to sit on this site and read, read, read.
Read everything and think. There are many answers to our questions here. I just lived on this site for the first time. The result will come, after 8 months I came to my senses, I learned to accept all difficulties. We also spent a lot of time together. 25 years without any problems, and then because of the stupidest quarrel, contention. Natasha, let him go in peace, wish happiness in your soul, and live for the joy of your daughter, yourself, and grandchildren. Everything will fall into place, everything will be as it should be! Don't destroy yourself! I hug and wish peace of mind.

Natalia, age: 48/02/22/2015

Dear Natasha! After reading your cry about mental pain, I really wanted to support you. I am not much younger than you, and I also have 30 years of family life and also two adult children already living their own separate lives. I, too, 2.5 years ago, revealed the betrayal of my husband, who, as it turned out, lived a double life for 6 years and met with his former classmate, who was also divorced. All survivors of adultery know the inhuman pain experienced by the second half, as if they are skinning you alive, endless dialogues in your head, blaming yourself for everything and everything, and, of course, the desire for your husband to come to his senses, repent and return to the family . This is practically experienced by all deceived wives and they think that if he returns, I will forgive everything.
Natasha, after all my terrible drinking, he returned, a year since we live together, but I could not imagine what it was like to take back the person who cheated on you. I have absolutely no peace, there is a terrible heaviness in my soul, because I do not believe him at all. Any of his delays, phone calls, meetings with someone cause terrible thoughts in me, constant thoughts that he just became better at masking everything, hiding. And how can you live in a family without trust? It's not life, all the time to wait again for a stab in the back. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that one who betrays will betray again. And constantly living in anticipation of a new betrayal is not life, but one continuous torment.
So, Natasha, rejoice that this person has left your life, restore yourself, rethink everything and start a new, clean life.
I really regret that I didn’t drive my husband with a filthy broom, didn’t dare to take this step, and now I’m terribly tormented, in general, consider not living.
May you all be well, God bless you and God bless you!!!

Elena, age: 50 / 02/22/2015

Dear Natasha! I am 57 years old. My name is Tatyana. Just like you, I dreamed of living to old age with my husband and even dying on the same day. But I am "dying" alone, and he is probably happy. The husband is 60 years old, he has a mistress 20 years younger than himself. I can’t give you the right advice, because I myself have been rushing around in a love triangle for a whole year (a year has passed since I found out about my mistress) and have done a lot of wrong things. My story was written on this site on 09/17/2014. Only now he has agreed to move out of our common house for a separate residence. whole year thrown out of my life in the trash, spent a lot of nerves. I was ready to forgive and accept and please in every possible way, all to no avail. He didn’t make any decision, he didn’t leave his mistress, but on the contrary, he legalized all their relationships. He went to her, came back, said that he loved me and could not live without her, promised to end his relationship with her and much more. And until I decided to give him my housing, which I had besides the house, he did nothing. Now he has moved out, but lives 200 meters from me. We simply had no other choice. I am writing this all to the fact that you can’t wait and hope for something. Need to live. The best solution is to cut off all contact. Natasha, dear, I know how painful it is, but you have to endure it.
Don't call him, didn't send any SMS. If you return with repentance, you will decide, but now get up from your knees, do not humiliate yourself, do not call, it will not help.
If he doesn't come back, during this time you will learn to live without him.

Tatyana, age: 57/02/22/2015

I can say that it helped me when the dark forces plagued me with thoughts of suicide and my loneliness.
I started helping others. And friends appeared, and life was considered in a different perspective. It's so wonderful to just live, wake up in the morning, see the sky, the sun. And believe me, happiness from the fact that you can breathe, move, walk, embroider with beads will definitely come! When you pass your test and the dark forces leave you. And they clung tightly, which means you are a tasty morsel for them, a standing little man. Don't give in.
The world needs you.

Dayna, age: 29/23.02.2015

Natalia, I really want to support you and say that even though this is a difficult test, you will pass it!!! God does not send trials above strength! I can only advise in prayers to the Mother of God to say that you release your husband only into the hands of the Lord and the Mother of God and let them decide how it will be better! Don't be discouraged! We are insects on the earth and we cannot do anything without the will of God! Rely on the Lord to manage everything well, and even more often confess and take communion !!! Everything will be fine!!!

Natalia, age: 30 / 02/27/2015

Natalia, hello!
Everything you write is very familiar. Only we lived for 5 years, not 30. And then everything is the same - exhausting ourselves with thoughts about him, hopes, idealization, depression, despair.
But you have to get out of all this, like out of a swamp. How? I want to write a few specific options, if you like something, take a note. I did all this myself in order to pull myself out of a string of bleak thoughts.
1. Every day look for a phrase that calms you and keep it in your head. For example: everything is changing and this state of mine will also someday go away; God leads me where necessary, I go where he leads me, and so on.
2. Remember all your desires, dreams, write them down and try to look for forms for their realization. Have you always dreamed of being a blonde? You can also try. Have you always liked flowers? Why not plant them in the garden this year, or plant an orchid at home? All are big and small, dreams of maturity or even childhood. Write them down and practice them methodically to whatever extent possible.
3. Look around, who really needs you, for whom you can do a good deed. Often someone needs help to babysit. Even if these are not grandchildren, they can be the children of a niece, neighbor, friend. Maybe you have a kindergarten nearby and you can conduct needlework circles there? Someone already wrote - I agree, you can search for someone who needs the help of a nanny - take them to a kindergarten, pick them up (there will also be additional earnings).
4. Do what you like: needlework, books, movies, health, walks.
5. Cut off ALL contact with your husband, ALL. It's like he died. No general affairs, no questions, no "How are you?" , nothing. It is very difficult. But if you do that, it helps tremendously.
6. Do not torture yourself with thoughts that they are doing well there now. You don't know what problems they have now, what else they will have. You, too, experienced the sweetness of the beginning of a relationship in life - let someone else experience it. After all, the most important thing is to cope with all the sweat, when the sweetness is already gone.
7. Refresh contact with your daughter: plan trips to her, family meetings, dinners and, most importantly, perform.
8. Just started thinking about men and immediately "God bless him!" - and so at least 1000 times a day. Be aware, catch yourself at this moment - I started thinking again - do not suffer because of this, that again, but just calmly interrupt and switch your attention, stop everything with the phrase "God bless him and her."
9. Always think about this: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF?
Good luck, happiness and peace of mind!

Lena, age: 34 / 11.03.2015