There is one thing that unites many of us, simple and therefore absurd - deep down everyone really knows what they want. Moreover, he sees ways by which you can achieve your goal. We know how, we know how long it will take. The paradox is that, having such information, we do not take any action at all. Everyone has their own reasons, but we all know one thing: our inaction in the presence of strength, knowledge and time is unforgivable. So what's stopping you from going on a journey to follow your dreams? We found 8 reasons that may have an impact. Having understood them, you will finally set your priorities. Nothing else will stop you and make you turn off your path.

As a rule, the strongest motivators for a person are fear or love, and the first one can help you move forward, or it can slow you down. It would seem that a brilliant plan has matured in your head, an idea was born, but you do not start to implement it, but all because you are afraid. You, the opinions of others, evil tongues that can make fun of you and your dreams. And most importantly, fear is sometimes an excuse for laziness. But you are not the only one who is afraid and doubtful, and in this case, fear is neither an excuse nor a barrier. Remember:

1. There is not a single person who would not experience fear
2. Fear only indicates what needs special attention and improvement.
3. If you don’t conquer fear, it will accumulate and devour you from the inside, not allowing you to realize even half of your potential.
4. Often, fear is based on personal speculation, so you created many obstacles artificially only in your head.

perfectionism

You want to do everything perfectly, you want to work out every detail of your project, which is why you procrastinate, because you are waiting for the right moment, waiting for you to feel that you have gained experience. But all this only slows you down, preventing you from developing. Of course, each of us wants to achieve perfection, but it comes not from thoughts, but from action, so desire alone cannot help here. Sometimes perfectionism is imaginary and only slows you down, and the desire to do everything flawlessly takes precedence over common sense. Forget it, just start doing what you gotta do. Mistakes are inevitable, but this is exactly what will make you better. At the very least, you need to stop waiting for the right moment and the perfect set of circumstances, because you understand that such a moment may never present itself.

Momentum and motivation may disappear

There are people who, on the way to the goal, set clear rules for themselves, for example: wake up early in the morning, work out every day problematic issues, devote an hour to reading the necessary technical literature. They are motivated, charged, they are driven by an impulse of action that can very easily disappear. If you think that the loss of motivation is akin to failure, then you are greatly mistaken, because sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and not what we want. This is the essence of the winners. There are people who, while on a diet for about 2 weeks, do not see results and give up this business, or having received one negative review about their activities, they are ready to close everything and turn off the chosen path. Running with your tail between your legs, at the very first difficulties, is the lot of the weak, and you are clearly not from that cohort. It's normal to wake up tired and not want to do what needs to be done. This does not mean that all your efforts are of no value. It only means that you are moving in the right direction, but you need to take a short break, say, for a day.

Comparison

We are so accustomed to comparing ourselves with other people that we may consider our skills and achievements worthless compared to them. If you are a photographer, then looking at the work of more professional colleagues, you may consider that their level is too high to try to reach it. If you have just finished your studies and come to work, it may seem that more experienced colleagues are the gods of knowledge, and you are just a smert who spent years learning his craft to no avail. But it's not. You can equal the best, strive to their level, but in no case should your own merits and knowledge be underestimated. Even compared to an idol. Yes, you are still not good enough to be on a par with your ideal. At the same time, you are still quite young and you know in which direction you should move, and this is worth a lot. lean on your strengths and never think that there is a bar that is too high for you.

A vicious circle of worries

Perhaps, because of work, you do not have enough time to realize yourself and

Sometimes some tasks and goals seem so grandiose that it seems as if it would be unrealistic to put them into practice. This is exactly what planning is for. Having calculated each step, understanding where to start and what actions to take, you will gradually draw a picture in your head, which will soon turn into a solid canvas. Systematization, strict adherence to the plan and schedule will help in your endeavor. And remember: crush the target, and do not try to take the bastion impudently, because you cut the watermelon into slices before you start eating it.

A gentle person does what is asked.
A callous person does not do what is asked.
A stupid person does what is not asked.
A smart person does not do what is not asked.
And only a wise person does what needs to be done.

The wise man does what he sees fit; the fool sees fit in everything he does.

Desire is the most important thing. When a person wants, he does everything to achieve this, despite the obstacles.

You realize that you fell in love when you can't sleep, because reality is finally better than any dreams.

Man often makes mistakes. Moreover, all his life he is only engaged in making mistakes. The one who does nothing makes no mistakes. The main thing is to notice the mistake in time and correct it.

That you reject the one you love is not a great self-sacrifice, you just want to be miserable. But being unhappy doesn't make you better than others, it just makes you unhappy.

Don't believe what the man says; just watch what he does.

You can't see the bottom under the water
And only diving, you will see what it is.
So man - he says one thing,
And often does something completely different.

A person who makes no mistakes usually does nothing at all.

When a person wants to do something, there is no stopping him.

In contact with

Odnoklassniki

If a person does not do something, then he does not have the resource for it. Physically, there is no strength or strength at all for this. They are blocked, spent on something else, and in order to do what is “needed”, he must “go on the rims”, with the last of his strength, “for wear and tear”. Everyone has their own energy reserve, and people really differ in the level of energy given to them by nature.

But if there was a time when you gushed energies, “the clouds shrugged”, turned back big projects, did a lot and well, and now you can’t budge, you should ask yourself – where is your energy? Where did she go? And what are you spending it on now?

Competing need.

There is something much more important right now. You are trying to focus on work, and a sick child is at home. Where will your thoughts be? You are offered a promotion and invited to the central office in Marseille, and your man, with whom everything is just starting, and you are afraid to frighten off this still fragile, newborn happiness and hatched hope for family life- He stays in Moscow.

You need to collect your thoughts and take the next step in your project, but all your thoughts are with your daughter, who is in the process of entering a university and moving to another city.

resistance to development.

It is clear that in such cases you will turn on the resistance. And unsuccessfully done work and a quarrel with the boss and a personal project that does not start in any way - all this will be the sad result of not realizing the second, competing need.

The desire to remain a good mother, a happy woman and simply not to be left alone will put spokes in the wheels of your career and professional growth.

Conflict of Needs, se la vie. Such conflicts take a lot of strength, make you tear, rush about, feel guilt and shame. To get out of the clinch, it is important to see all sides of the conflict and each need to “give the floor”.

Psychologists and coaches, as a rule, successfully help to deal with this. If such a “dialogue of needs” is organized independently, there is a risk of not noticing a “blind spot”. (Actually, when working with yourself, there is always such a risk, it is important to remember this. Therefore, psychologists have their own psychologists)).

When the past is projected onto the present. Not only a competing need can block the movement towards the goal.

You need to go to hand over the documents to the embassy, ​​go to the bailiffs and find out about the arrest of accounts, start privatizing the dacha, in the end make an appointment with the oncological dispensary about these strange moles -“I can't move, I'M AFRAID!”

“It’s just that my legs buckle, cold sweat comes out, everything inside shrinks, and I can’t do anything with myself. My legs don’t go there and that’s it.”

A big, strong, adult person instantly turns into a small, weak, frightened child. And he is ready to run as fast as he can in the direction opposite to the embassies, bailiffs, law offices and cancer hospitals. Or prepare to fight representatives of all of the above.

And someone just froze, “pretend to be dead” and will not budge if they don’t forcefully drag him or “step over himself”.

What is going on?

How does an adult, smart person, capable of doing serious things, suddenly turn into a helpless child, unable to take elementary steps? Why is that?

There is a strong experience that is somewhat similar to this one. There can be a lot of horror, pain, humiliation, a feeling of complete helplessness and shame. What kind of person in of sound mind and a sober memory will climb into it again?

If such an experience covers, and the line between what is really happening now and what is happening sometime is erased. Moreover, the experience may not be remembered, but the body and psyche will give out a natural reaction - to run, escape, fight or freeze.

What is the movement towards the goal.

People can give in not only to embassies and hospitals, but also to their own upcoming wedding, for example. In all these cases, there is some idea of ​​how "there" will be, beginning with the words:"I know that.. "

“I know anyway I won’t prove anything. I know that I will waste a lot of time and only embarrass myself.” “I know they will say I have cancer. And I won't leave the hospital again." “I know that I will look like a complete fool in the eyes of his relatives at the wedding”.

This representation in professional language is called "projection". An amazing phenomenon, I want to tell you! You can impose your idea on anything, project failures, cataclysms, hostility those around you. And the world will match! This is how your own reality is created, where the same negative experience is repeated over and over again.
A person has other ways to slow down his own growth and movement towards his goals.

Such as the attitudes received sometime in childhood about what is possible and what is not possible for “good girls” and “real men”, messages of the family about how to live. You can try to do good and live other people's lives instead of taking care of yourself. Then when their own needs projected onto others.

The result is an abandoned personal life, a complete misunderstanding of one’s needs, “heroism” at work and at home, anger and exhaustion..

At the same time, their own goals are not achieved, help is always expected from others. A person expects “alaverda” from others and, as a rule, they do not wait. The "blessed" seldom experience gratitude from imposed kindness.

There are those who like to stop themselves with illness from important decisions, moves and changes in life. When, instead of flying with her son on a long-awaited trip to Paris, a woman somatizes and ends up in the hospital. And for many years, each of her trips is preceded by an operation. Only after the "fee" you can go.

What people just do not come up with in order not to allow themselves to change.

It is important to remember that the stronger the need, the stronger the resistance. By the strength of your resistance, you can guess how important it is for you what you are going for.

You stumble, slow down, stop, take a hundred steps back, only to come back again, and go again. Or maybe they have already abandoned and forbade themselves to think about their dream?

Helpful Hints

A smart person understands their emotions and knows how to deal with them.

The secret of this skill lies not only in what it does for it, but also in what it does not.

Such people delight others with the fact that in any situation they can maintain self-control, calmness and peace of mind.

Also Read: 12 Signs You're OK Even If You Don't Think So

Probably this is wisdom , which every person aspires to.

As it turned out, a lot depends on our ability to avoid certain types of behavior that prevent a person from moving forward and being happy.

1. A smart person will not allow to spoil his mood.

If your mood and self-esteem are directly dependent on how others evaluate you and how you look against their background, then, unfortunately, your happiness does not belong to you. When an intelligent person rejoices in his victories and successes, he will not allow the opinion of others to overshadow his joy.

It doesn't matter what other people do or think. This should in no way affect your opinion of yourself. Whatever others think about you, this is always a subjective point of view, which is not able to reflect the real state of affairs.

2. A smart person doesn't forget

An emotionally literate person easily and quickly forgives insults, but this does not mean at all that he forgets about them. Forgiveness means that a person simply lets go of everything unpleasant and moves on. However, this does not mean that the offender gets a second chance.

A smart person does not want to get bogged down in the results of other people's mistakes, for this reason, of course, he forgives, but then works hard to protect himself from such a thing in the future.

Smart doesn't

3. A smart person will not go to the tank with a knife

Smart people know perfectly well how important it is to take care of yourself, because tomorrow is a new day and a new struggle. During conflict, we often quickly lose control of ourselves and our emotions and rush headlong into a fight in which defeat is obviously obvious. If you understand your emotions and know how to manage them, then you will be able to adequately assess the situation and insist on your own when necessary, as well as assess which confrontations it is better not to enter into.

4. A smart person does not run after the ideal.

If you are an emotionally mature person, then you will not put an unattainable ideal at the head of everything, because it does not exist. Anyone who strives for absolute perfection always ends up disappointed.

There is only one result - you begin to torment yourself that you did not manage to achieve what you wanted, and endlessly argue what you did wrong. A smart person instead enjoys what he has been able to achieve.

What a smart person doesn't do

5. A smart person does not live in the past.

Most often, defeat is an attempt to achieve something very difficult and the result of a serious risk. But a smart person knows that success is not least dependent on whether you know how to lose and move on. But this is not possible if you continue to rewash and do not let go of your old mistakes. If you live in the past, then it inevitably becomes your present, and, consequently, you are deprived of the future.

6. A smart person doesn't dwell on problems.

Your emotional state is directly related to your thoughts. If you are completely immersed in your current problems, you are drowning in a stressful state and negative emotions. An emotionally mature person knows perfectly well that it is necessary to concentrate on ways to solve a problem, and not on the problem itself.

7. A smart person avoids whiners.

Those who love to complain and whine endlessly can savor their problems endlessly. They feel better when there are compassionate listeners who are ready to take pity on them. Try to stay away from such people, otherwise sooner or later you will find that you are completely mired in their negativity.

It so happened that my father-in-law and mother-in-law are doctors of pedagogical sciences. Which leads to the fact that, willy-nilly, you begin to comprehend various useful techniques :)

One day, after some academic advice over whiskey tea in the kitchen, the father-in-law says: Sasha, but what do you think, why people don’t do something?

To be honest, the question puzzled me. I began to fantasize: well, circumstances get in the way, character traits, lack of experience ...

No, no, he said, father-in-law, everything is wrong. If people do not do something, there can be 4 reasons for this. After that, my arsenal of management tools was replenished with one more. And it is about this tool that we will talk about today, and at the same time we will analyze a few stories from real life:

• Why project managers should be moved to a separate building
• What to do when your customer does not use your reporting system
• How to rock a low-performer

So, if a person does not do what you want from him (or does the wrong thing, or not), do not immediately rush to kill him to solve the problem. Let's take a break. After all, if a person does not behave the way we want him to, there can always be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. Fuzzy goal (understood in my own way)

I remember when I was at Intel I told my employee: Max, look at static analyzers. Max says it's not a question, and leaves. Comes in 3 days. I:
- Well, how?
- Looked.
- AND…?
- Here is the table...

I nearly killed him. I needed a person to find a free static Java code analyzer and attach it to our version control system.

Max understood the task in his own way - what needs to be done comparative analysis available static analyzers. A person downloaded and installed all these analyzers, came up with metrics for comparison, found test cases. For three days he was engaged in a rather meaningful activity. And I, as his manager, was ultimately dissatisfied.

If I now ask you who is to blame for this situation, you will probably blame me. And let me disagree here :)

You can blame the manager for fuzzy tasks when you are an employee. But when a task is assigned to you, it’s not always possible to tell your boss later: well, you somehow get together there, learn how to set tasks normally ...

Task delegation is always a game of two or more of people. And if I had clarified with Max how he understood the task, this situation would not have arisen. But if Max himself would have re-specified the statement of the problem for me, this situation would not have arisen either.

2. Does not know how (here we include: does not know)

A person may not be able to do what we want from him. At the same time, he can conscientiously be mistaken that he can (“I’ll figure it out as a last resort”). “If I wrote virtual machines, won’t I make a presentation in PowerPoint? ..” - and it will. Another thing is that it will not be shown to anyone, but that's another story ...

There is exactly one case when we can be 100% sure that a person knows how to do something. If he has repeatedly successfully (both words are important here) done similar tasks, and you saw it.

If a person can tell how to do a task, this is certainly better than if he cannot tell. But this is not a guarantee that he can. I can go into enough detail. how to break bricks by hand. But in reality, I'm afraid the brick will win anyway.

Therefore, if you have not seen how a person does a task, then at the stage of setting it would be good to agree on the type and frequency of control. “Dude, we haven’t done this type of task before, so let me come to you every 3 minutes for two days and see what happens and how we move?”

3. Can't

This is about a lack of resources. First of all, time. For example, you set a task for a person, and he works on several projects. And so you left. After you, two more managers came to see him, and they strongly motivated the person to perform precisely their tasks. You come - your task is not done. Why, because “we agreed” and “you promised”? Not enough resource.

Or if you offer an engineer to debug a harsh corporate Enterprise monster on a 386 computer, where the monster only starts for 20 minutes, the task will probably not move quickly either.

4. Doesn't want to

For some reason, the person does not want to do the task. Maybe he doesn't like you. Or he sincerely does not understand why this task should be done. Or he disagrees with the decision. There can be many reasons for this.

How to use the tool?

Intuitively, we often start with the 4th reason and try to find a solution for it. “How would I motivate an employee to do A, B and C” is probably the most popular request in our trainings.

Hey, wait, is it really a matter of motivation? Let's cover the first 3 reasons first. If they are not closed (you don’t have such confidence), you don’t have to go and decide “does not want” yet. It's not easy, and there are other tools (once and twice) on this topic.

But sometimes it gets ridiculous.

A case from one's life. Calls somehow Technical Director one big company:

Sasha, I have a question, I want to consult. My project managers don't think about the strategy of their projects. I want to transplant them into a neighboring building about this, and so I decided to consult with you, whether it will help or not.

At that moment, my brain collapsed in half. Remember how in KVN?

A man runs out onto the stage:
- Guys, Lesha got stuck in the elevator, give me 500 rubles!
I don't see the connection...
- And you don’t need to ... “Lesha got stuck in the elevator” - information, “give me 500 rubles” - a request.

We begin to understand. The situation turns out approximately the following. The company had research and development teams. There were engineers on every team and there were the most engineered engineers - technical leaders. These leaders have now been made project managers. They are responsible for the research team, the product team, the validation team + they manage the technical writer, the system analyst and someone else there as part of their project.

And that, he says, is the problem! They sit, as they used to, in the same room with their engineers. And they tear them off on their engineering issues. As a result, managers do not think about the project strategy. I want to move them to a separate building.

Hmm, the picture becomes clearer... And here I suddenly remember 4 reasons.

Wait, I say, if managers do not think about the project strategy, there can be one of four reasons for this:

1. They don't understand what you want from them. Do you tell them: think about the project strategy? What should they do? Do they need to somehow strain, blush, sweat? How do you know what they think about strategy? By what signs?

You may want a plan for the strategic development of the project from them. This is a clear request. Or do you want them to bring you ideas about strategic development project? This is a different request. What do you specifically want from people, did you voice them?

Maybe it makes sense to give them some book on this topic? Or a seminar? Or you tell them yourself. how to write strategic plans if you can do it yourself.

3. How do people with loading time? Previously, they led five engineers, now they have a whole crowd under their command. And you probably need some more releases from them? How are they with time?

4. Did people ever want to be project managers? Or could not refuse you?

It is hard to refuse a boss who comes and says: “Friends, we have a major transformation coming up in the company. The only people who I can rely on is you!” It is unlikely that anyone at this moment will say: “Oh, fuck it!” People silently sigh and go to pull a new strap.

Finally, before moving to new office there were many topics for discussion. :)

Or here's another case:

A case from one's life. A person comes up after a conference in Novosibirsk:

Alexander, such a question. We've been writing a new reporting system here for three months. Finally, they wrote. It has everything: 28 pages, each with 10 tabs. There is all the information - in general, everything.
Congratulations, what's the problem?
- Our German customer does not use it. She, instead of logging in and getting the data, calls each of our engineers and asks him what he was doing. How can we motivate her to use our reporting system?

Well, let's figure it out. If a customer does not use your reporting system, there may be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. Does she even understand that she needs to use this system? Or you wrote her a 5-page letter with an unclear title, and she was like this: “Oh, guys, well done, they are doing something ... there will be time, I’ll read it.”

2. Does she know how to use this system? Why are you sure of this? How long does it take her to find the information she needs? Maybe she honestly tried one, two, three - dug into the system, found nothing, and decided in the old fashioned way - to call the engineers. They always answer what you need.

3. Does she even have access to the system? May be. she went there for the first time, she was not allowed in, and she decided that the system had not yet been finalized. In the meantime, it is being finalized, I will call the engineers ...

4. Maybe the person just enjoys talking to your engineers? Or she does not trust the data in the system and double-checks the information.

It would be nice to think about these reasons before talking with her - and so go on them.

The main difficulty in using the tool

The main difficulty in using this tool is to remember it in time. Seriously, it seems so trivial that it is not always remembered.

A case from one's life. At one of the trainings, the listeners had the following question: how to swing a low-performer? The team has a couple of very cool guys, a few average guys. And there is one person who does everything much slower than others. How to download it. to make him do more and faster?

We have already taken a breath of air in order to start giving advice, as we remembered that the situation must first be clarified. After all, if a person works significantly less and more slowly than others, there may be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. He doesn't understand that the way he works is bad. Yes, he sees that slowly. But quality! Not like these - they screwed up the code and threw it away. And here systems approach, unit tests, self-reviews, etc., etc.

Has a manager ever told a person directly that they weren't happy with the amount of work they were doing? Or does the manager send non-verbal signals to the person? He ceases to give interesting tasks, begins to communicate with him less often, etc.

2. Can a person work faster? Was there ever such a thing that he worked quickly?

3. What else does the person do? Maybe on Skype he answers questions for a newbie? Or now he has problems in the family, not before him.

4. What does he even want? Stability? Or development? Of money? Become a tech lead? And then we can tie our arguments to his Wishlist.

Maybe he doesn't agree at all with the solution we're working on now. And his behavior shows that the decision is wrong.

Here you need to understand, think before talking and communicate with a person. No need to shake, you need to understand.

Finally - try to look for reasons

So that all this does not go in vain and does not turn into just reading tales :), you can take a situation right now when someone does not do what you want, and try to figure out what his 4 reasons could be.

Once again, it doesn't hurt to think about it. And for sure, it won't be boring. :)

P.S. Previous articles in the management tools series.