Alfried Lenglet: Why don't I do what I want? Doing what you want is the only way to live life right. Why don't people do what they want.

The first question to be answered is: what exactly makes a person smart? The abundance of information that he can remember? High IQ? Maybe it's the wisdom in choosing the right decision at the right time, or the ability to make the most of even the worst situation? Maybe the ability to see the whole picture of events before deciding on further actions? Probably what makes a person smart is a successful combination of all the previously mentioned traits.

Of course, when we see a smart and successful person, it can be quite difficult to determine exactly what exactly he owes his success and well-being to. In truth, it's much easier to figure out what smart people don't do. Then conclusions can be drawn regarding what should be avoided in order to become wise and successful.

1. They don't ignore the opportunity to save money.

Prudence is a virtue and should not be confused with greed or miserliness. The ability to manage your finances wisely and avoid unnecessary expenses is a wonderful quality.

All seemingly insignificant, but senseless expenses can be easily avoided. And the amount that you can save in this way can sometimes turn out to be quite impressive. Purchasing a filter, for example, can reduce the amount of money spent on bottled water. Replacing light bulbs throughout your home with energy efficient ones would be another wise choice. Savings and discount cards in supermarkets are also a very good idea.

The Internet contains an unfathomable amount of quality educational and entertainment content. Therefore, paying for cable TV or subscribing to an expensive magazine certainly looks pointless. You can find anything on the Internet and at a much lower price. Being smart means being able to properly manage your finances.

2. They don't rely on others

There is nothing wrong with having friends, family members or colleagues that you can trust and rely on. Each person should have someone whose help he can count on in difficult situations. But the habit of always relying on other people makes you powerless. Therefore, as a smart person, you should not make this strategy your main one.

You may have a brilliant mind, an outstanding intellect, etc., but if you do not put these qualities to good use, then you will forever be left behind. When you think you need help, pay close attention to whether your problem is really that difficult. In a large number of cases, our fear and self-doubt prevent us from acting.

3. They don't act irresponsibly.

It doesn't mean that "smart people don't know how to have fun" or "smart people are boring". You can have fun, you can drink or laugh. Responsibility isn't necessarily uninteresting, it just means you want to lead an organized life.

Better organization leads to greater efficiency whether you are a student, an office worker, a businessman, an artist or a manager.
Irresponsibility tends to always backfire, and smart people just don't want to create any inconvenience for themselves.

4. They don't feel defeated when they have to reconsider their views.

Our environment, parents, our education and background are responsible for shaping our beliefs and perceptions of the world. This leads to the creation of our unique self-centered world.

But throughout life, we gradually acquire new beliefs that may contradict our previous views. In addition, in different situations you will adhere to different behaviors and show different human qualities. And that's okay.

You should not continue to stand your ground if you understand that you are wrong. The ability to admit when you are wrong is a sign of strength and intelligence.. Smart people constantly challenge their beliefs; but they don't give up. They change them and allow them to grow in proportion to the new experience gained. Don't miss the opportunity to expand your worldview, you don't become defeated when you acquire something of value.

5. Mistakes don't stop them.

This can be seen clearly in the case of companies that have produced an unpopular product, or directors who have made under-grossing films, and so on. It happens that we come up with an idea for something, something that seems like a true masterpiece to us, but other people are not very impressed. And such situations are not uncommon! Of course, you can feel humiliated, and this is really unpleasant, but it happens sometimes, whether we like it or not.

Mistakes are part of growth. And if it didn’t work out the first time, with due diligence and desire, it will definitely work out the second or third. Smart and successful people never give up!

6. They don't let their past get the better of them.

The past cannot be erased, but it will never come back and haunt us, the past will always just be somewhere behind. We must learn to deal with past problems and not let them get in the way of our future achievements. If nothing useful can be learned from past experience, you should simply close these doors and let everything remain in its place.

Past experience has made us who we are today, and our battles can give us a strong character, but people tend to use their past for another purpose: to justify their mistakes or behavior. We may use excuses to gain understanding from others or to make it easier for us to forgive ourselves.

However, even if you admit your shortcomings but refuse to correct them just because you have a past reason to do so, then you have chosen a very easy path, which is not what smart people do.

7. They don't rely on luck to solve their problems.

"Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst." This quote is great when you are aiming to achieve something. Hope for the best scenario motivates us, while preparedness for the worst keeps us busy. On the other hand, hoping for the best without any action to achieve a result is no different from laziness.

Relying too often on luck alone kills your ambitions. Also, smart people will never let luck take the credit for their hard work.

8. They don't ignore important aspects of their business.

One of the key success factors is attention to detail. For example, when someone is trying to build a profitable business, he or she generally believes that with a good quality product, success is guaranteed.

This logic is not entirely flawless, because even if you can offer a high-quality product at a better price than your competitors, you will still be far from a profitable business. For successful sales, you just need to have good advertising tactics. You need to achieve brand recognition.

It is clear that this is one of many examples of important aspects. There are others, such as providing good customer service, creating effective incentive plans, and so on. The moral here is: you can not work in only one direction.

So whatever you do, always pay attention to the details.


9. They are not shy about learning from their mistakes.

Mistakes are inevitable. Sooner or later, something always goes wrong, and some little thing spoils our previously well-thought-out schemes. You cannot control everything all the time, always know and foresee everything.

Mistakes remind us of our shortcomings. To be honest, mistakes can teach us a lot, but only if we allow them to do so.

Error analysis helps prevent such situations in the future. Therefore, smart people use them to their advantage. Arrogant individuals are always looking for excuses and blindly believe in their own judgments. But this kind of behavior not only hinders success, it also turns your allies and friends away from you.

10. They don't give up on their ideas just because other people don't agree with them.

We have already said that sometimes standing your ground is not wise. However, there is a very thin line between when you need to listen to the opinions of others, and those when it is better to continue on your own path. A wise man knows exactly when to be steadfast. In addition, we are all entitled to a reasonable explanation for why our ideas or products are not so good.

And if someone wants to hinder your success, don't let them! Fight for your chance and try to find someone who will hear you and appreciate your idea. You should strive to hear as many opinions as possible. Even if the first ones are flattering, keep looking for other points of view. Constructive criticism can be very helpful for future development.

11. They don't say big words.

Actions speak much more about a person than even the most beautiful words. Do not be too self-confident and do not try at every opportunity to talk about the grandeur of your future actions. It only shows that you are looking for attention, and your words will inevitably lose their power.

It is reliability that is of paramount importance for the future well-being and your reputation. We all know the story of how the boy shouted: "Wolves!". He lost confidence, which had a strong impact on the outcome of the situation. If you want to be respected and taken seriously, talk less and do more. Just let your achievements speak for themselves.

12. They don't miss out on new experiences.

This statement is closely related to the words of Friedrich Nietzsche: "There are no eternal facts, just as there are no absolute truths." You can never be perfect, and you shouldn't set such goals for yourself. However, by making constant efforts to develop in various fields, an intelligent person will make his life better day by day.

And there is always something to learn! Science is constantly expanding our understanding of the world; humanity is constantly testing existing theories and establishing new ones. Even old verified data is never left alone, it is reviewed and updated.

Scientists, as a rule, possess those qualities that are inherent in all intelligent people. Most of the celebrities with outstanding intellectual abilities were also scientists. So never miss an opportunity to learn something new!

13. They know when not to listen to authority.

As with a good idea, wise people never stop fighting for their aspirations even with the truest authorities. We often hear criticism of our tastes, interests and hobbies from our parents, bosses, teachers. To be honest, they can be right from time to time, but not always. Older generations tend to scold what they cannot fully understand.

Imagine how many forms of art, music, books and film genres would not exist today if people always followed the opinions of authorities.

14. They don't waste the potential of their gadgets.

Ignorance in a certain area or lack of the necessary skills to perform a particular task does not automatically make a person incompetent. Smart people find good ways to overcome these obstacles; they can make up for their shortcomings. And it is the correct and reasonable use of gadgets that can be very useful.

Obviously, all smartphones and tablets have an internet connection and access to Google. Thus, all you have to do is know how to use them effectively. Almost everything you want to know can be found on the web, which means that as long as you are connected to the world wide web, you will be able to find answers to the most difficult questions.

A large number of applications (out of the abundance available on tablets or smartphones) are really wonderful. Of course, there are some that you absolutely do not need, but every smartphone and tablet PC should have several useful programs installed. For example, to manage data, which will make your work much easier in terms of organization. Or apps that can help you navigate unfamiliar terrain, thereby increasing your level of safety. Apps that can help you find good restaurants in another city. In addition, language barriers can be significantly overcome by using translation applications.

15. They don't overestimate their abilities.

Even the brightest and most outstanding personalities can fail if they overestimate their abilities too much. Ambition and industriousness are wonderful qualities that should not be ashamed, but without moderation these qualities can be dangerous.

Secondly, our mind has its limits, and when we actively think about a problem too often, we are unlikely to be able to find the right solution. We need to recognize when we are stuck and give ourselves a break. In other words, we must let our subconscious mind take over and deal with the situation.

You'd be surprised how often, when distracted from a problem, brilliant solutions suddenly visit us! Moreover, even when the answer seems obvious, it is better to think about it again, but only in the morning. As they say, the morning is wiser than the evening.

16. They don't create unnecessary enemies for themselves.

Regardless of your status, whether you are an accomplished entrepreneur or an employee of a small firm, you are likely to face enemies, envy, and competition. At the same time, all we do is label people.

These people do not have such an unbearable character. It's just that your beliefs, ideologies or points of view are incompatible - that's all! The problem is that you never know what to expect from them, and they probably perceive you in the same way, which leads to hostility and a nervous atmosphere.

It is important to see the difference between enemies created by circumstances and enemies created by our actions. We have already come to the conclusion that in terms of enemies, we all have a slight paranoia, so it is better not to provoke any conflicts once again. When you interact with stubborn and short-tempered people, be sure that you are not the only one who notices their traits.

You will not be able to prove your point of view to such people. Therefore, you can only nod or say that you do not agree, and this will end the discussion. When choosing partners, carefully check your potential allies and make sure that they do not tend to deceive you, but at the same time strive not to appear to them as treacherous and untrustworthy.

17. They don't let their pride get in the way.

Spiritual teachings usually call pride a sin, but reality usually says otherwise. Modern society considers pride quite acceptable, but, be that as it may, very often it becomes the main obstacle to success and happiness.

Many people begin to consider themselves such outstanding personalities that they spit on the opinion of everyone around them. But smart people rely on their minds to tell you that pride gets in the way, and in some situations it's smart to drop it.

18. They don't put all their eggs in one basket.

This is a no-brainer. You should never fully invest yourself, your time, ideas and funds in the implementation of one idea. You should always have backup plans, alternatives, etc. In this case, even if you lose, you will not lose everything, but only part of your resources.

19. They don't lie to themselves that everything will be easy.

Finally, don't live under the illusion that life is easy. Your plans can be thwarted millions of times. But bright and smart people know how to bounce back after failure and get back on track with even more enthusiasm. Even when everything seems simple and things are going smoothly, stay vigilant - it can be the calm before the storm.

Smart people love to take on challenges, they love the thrill they get from overcoming obstacles. Downtime and stability are refreshing and relaxing, but discussing and solving new problems is what they live for.

20. They don't take unnecessary risks.

At some point in our lives, we have all found ourselves in a situation where we could take a risk in exchange for a big reward. And if you're an adrenaline junkie, then the motto "high risk, high reward" might sound very appealing to you.

But being smart and calculating means forgetting about this approach, because it does not mean that you will be protected from the danger of losing everything.
Even small risks like lotteries are a bad choice; if you have extra money, wouldn't it be better to save it and wait until a decent amount accumulates? Working for success has nothing to do with the ephemeral opportunity to change your life overnight.

Many people come to each of these conclusions through years of trial and error. And when we accept these principles and behaviors of truly smart people, we will begin to avoid unnecessary stupid mistakes. And with this approach, everything else will come naturally. Develop and you will see that success is not far off!

There is one thing that unites many of us, simple and therefore absurd - deep down everyone really knows what they want. Moreover, he sees the ways by which you can achieve your goal. We know how, we know how long it will take. The paradox is that, having such information, we do not take any action at all. Everyone has their own reasons, but we all know one thing: our inaction in the presence of strength, knowledge and time is unforgivable. So what's stopping you from going on a journey to follow your dreams? We found 8 reasons that may have an impact. Having understood them, you will finally set your priorities. Nothing else will stop you and make you turn off your path.

As a rule, the strongest motivators for a person are fear or love, and the former can help you move forward, or it can slow you down. It would seem that a brilliant plan has matured in your head, an idea was born, but you do not start to implement it, but all because you are afraid. You, the opinions of others, evil tongues that can make fun of you and your dreams. And most importantly, fear is sometimes an excuse for laziness. But you are not the only one who is afraid and doubtful, and in this case, fear is neither an excuse nor a barrier. Remember:

1. There is not a single person who would not experience fear
2. Fear only indicates what needs special attention and improvement.
3. If you don’t conquer fear, it will accumulate and devour you from the inside, not allowing you to realize even half of your potential.
4. Often, fear is based on personal speculation, so you created many obstacles artificially only in your head.

perfectionism

You want to do everything perfectly, you want to work out every detail of your project, which is why you procrastinate, because you are waiting for the right moment, waiting for you to feel that you have gained experience. But all this only slows you down, preventing you from developing. Of course, each of us wants to achieve perfection, but it comes not from thoughts, but from action, so desire alone cannot help here. Sometimes perfectionism is imaginary and only slows you down, and the desire to do everything flawlessly takes precedence over common sense. Forget it, just start doing what you gotta do. Mistakes are inevitable, but this is exactly what will make you better. At the very least, you need to stop waiting for the right moment and the perfect set of circumstances, because you understand that such a moment may never present itself.

Momentum and motivation may disappear

There are people who, on the way to the goal, set clear rules for themselves, for example: wake up early in the morning, work through problematic issues every day, devote an hour to reading the necessary technical literature. They are motivated, charged, they are driven by an impulse of action that can very easily disappear. If you think that the loss of motivation is akin to failure, then you are greatly mistaken, because sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and not what we want. This is the essence of the winners. There are people who, while on a diet for about 2 weeks, do not see results and give up this business, or having received one negative review about their activities, they are ready to close everything and turn off the chosen path. Running with your tail between your legs, at the very first difficulties, is the lot of the weak, and you are clearly not from that cohort. It's normal to wake up tired and not want to do what needs to be done. This does not mean that all your efforts are of no value. It only means that you are moving in the right direction, but you need to take a short break, say, for a day.

Comparison

We are so accustomed to comparing ourselves with other people that we may consider our skills and achievements worthless compared to them. If you are a photographer, then looking at the work of more professional colleagues, you may consider that their level is too high to try to reach it. If you have just finished your studies and come to work, it may seem as if more experienced colleagues are the gods of knowledge, and you are just a smerd who spent years learning his craft to no avail. But it's not. You can equal the best, strive to their level, but in no case should your own merits and knowledge be underestimated. Even compared to an idol. Yes, you are still not good enough to be on a par with your ideal. At the same time, you are still quite young and you know in which direction you should move, and this is worth a lot. Build on your strengths and never think that there is a bar that is too high for you.

A vicious circle of worries

Perhaps, because of work, you do not have enough time to realize yourself and

Sometimes some tasks and goals seem so grandiose that it seems as if it would be unrealistic to put them into practice. This is exactly what planning is for. Having calculated each step, understanding where to start and what actions to take, you will gradually draw a picture in your head, which will soon turn into a solid canvas. Systematization, strict adherence to the plan and schedule will help in your endeavor. And remember: crush the target, and do not try to take the bastion impudently, because you cut the watermelon into slices before you start eating it.

It is generally accepted that the search for life goals and landmarks refers to philosophical issues and is inherent in highly intelligent individuals. Actually it is not. People who live in harmony with themselves and enjoy life do not think about such topics. This is the fate of those who have ceased to receive satisfaction from their own actions. When a person has an arm or leg pain, he begins to pay more attention to it, to listen to the sensations. It is the same with the meaning of life: as soon as a person becomes ill, he immediately loses it and, due to the inability to find peace, begins to “work with his brains” and look for himself.

Life guidelines, or Why we act in one way or another

This is where parenting plays a huge role. By observing the behavior of our parents, we unconsciously copied their patterns into our own lives. And not those that they tried to teach us in any way, but those shown by their own example. This may be a father who worked around the clock, or a mother who does not have a job, but is constantly engaged in housework and raising children. Honor, fidelity, openness, honesty - all these concepts, to one degree or another, were laid in us in childhood. Life attitudes are connected with the understanding of parents, what is right and what is not. They determine the priority. In my family, for example, they attached great importance to education and culture, although I practically didn’t study at school - I didn’t like it. For many families, higher education, science and art are of great value.

How goals are related to the rationalization of life and why they should not be set

There are people who live harmoniously: they know how to combine work and leisure and enjoy what they do. But not everyone is capable of this. If a person does not succeed, he begins to rush about and tries to find a suitable occupation for himself. In order to somehow live, he works at an unloved job - earns money. Realizing that this is not enough, he begins to set goals for himself. For example, learn English in one year or lose 20 kg in nine months. That is, he does not enjoy life and tries to rationalize it. One of the greatest and at the same time inadequate people, Count Tolstoy set himself goals for the year ahead: what you need to read, learn. He did not live in peace. If a person likes to learn English, he does it, when he gets bored, he stops. This is fine. Many people run after meaning all their lives, and before they die, they realize that it does not exist and that all goals and guidelines were false.

When a person feels good, he does not think about goals, meanings, or guidelines. He just lives. He sets goals, but he does it for the sake of self-realization, because he likes it. When a person feels bad, he begins to cling to everything possible. Often such people find help in religion, which acts as "crutches" for lost souls: it gives them what they need, as it consists entirely of guidelines, meanings and goals. Freud, himself a devout man, called religion a collective neurosis, because it gives what man himself cannot understand.

Guest questions:

How to stop responding to external stimuli (changes in the outside world and in personal life)? They make it difficult to focus on a specific task.

The great psychologist Viktor Frankl was a prisoner in a concentration camp, but this did not affect him in any way. He lived his inner life, separate from the outer environment. And he came out of there as if he came from another country.

You need to understand that the more independent and self-sufficient you are, the less influence and discomfort you experience. The world is constantly changing. If the situation bothers you, you have two options: take it for granted or change (change country or city). The stimulus will always exist. You need to either become independent and self-sufficient yourself - then you will pay less attention to the environment, or make a decision - to accept the situation or change it.

Since childhood, I was brought up in such a way that a woman is meant for giving birth to children, creating comfort and family well-being. I had a husband, but we got divorced, no children. Now I ask myself the question: what is the meaning of my life?

The meaning of life of every person is in life itself. Children or a husband are not the basis, but its components. Stanislavsky said that there is a super task, but there are other tasks besides it. Many meanings are present in us unconsciously. For example, since we are social beings, we have a biological desire to live in a group (family), to continue the race. We also have a craving for recognition, which exists as a psychological need. The meaning of life for all people is to live and enjoy it. If you want children, you will find a million ways to have them even without pregnancy.

Every person is instilled with certain patterns from childhood. For example, girls need to get married. This has been going on since 1945, when after 20 years it was no longer possible to get married. Through the older generation, the echoes of the war years still reach us. There is no need to get married now. If you love a person, you want to live with him and then have children. This is a healthy situation. The urge to get married as soon as possible is very abstract, as is the common desire of men to have a lot of money and a big car. If you want, you will marry. But that cannot become your meaning. As well as the desire to have children, who, by the way, tend to grow up and leave the house.

You can't use other people to find your meaning. Children cannot be hostages of their mother, who “has nothing else besides them” and to whom she “given her whole life”. You can not give birth to a child for your own understanding. This should only be done if you enjoy messing around with it. If you are confused about the purpose of your existence, then it is immoral to believe that children will give meaning to your life. In this case, they are your hostages.

Growing up in a military family, I was always obliged to do what was supposed to be done. Now I have grown up and have my own family. But the habit has remained, and it does not allow me to figure out what I really like and what not. How to learn to understand your desires?

Many of us don't really understand what we want. The reason for this is that they have not tried to listen to themselves and do not know how to feel their desires. You need to change your own attitudes and learn that doing what you want is the only way to live life right. And if you do everything "according to the rules", "rationally" and "efficiently", then you will not find happiness.

In childhood, they did not consider a person: they were not interested in what he likes and what not. He grew up, but never learned to understand it. And he continues to live, solving common problems: giving birth and raising children, earning money to support his family.

You need to learn how to imagine your future life: how you want it to develop. To do this, you need to start with what you did not do as a child. From very simple things. In the morning, do not sit down to breakfast until you realize that you are hungry. Eat only what you like (this does not apply to minors, you are responsible for them). Remember: there is no healthy and unhealthy food (the exceptions are foods prohibited by the doctor). An adult can afford to eat what he wants. When choosing the clothes in which you will go today, stop at the one that you like. Forget about "gray weekdays" and "smart weekends". If you like these clothes, you can buy them and wear them whenever you want. There will be no other life.

Start with household items. As soon as you refuse to do things that do not bring you pleasure, you will gradually learn to feel your desires. Over time, you will begin to understand what you want to do and how to live the next years. When a person is always cleaning the apartment and washing the dishes, he is not able to realize this. There was a joke about a Jew. When he was dying, he was asked about the last will. He asked for tea with two lumps of sugar, explaining it this way: “At home I drink with one, and at a party with three, but I love with two.” Do not bring the situation to the point of absurdity.

I have a list of what I really want to do. From it I form goals. Where is the line that defines neuroticism, and how do healthy people set goals?

Neuroticism lies in the meaninglessness of goal setting. If you want to learn a foreign language in a year, it must have some purpose. For example, you may have a desire to travel the world, for this you need to know English (it's easier that way). You set a time limit of one year because you want to go on a trip faster. If the goal is simply to “learn”, then, firstly, you will get a very low level of the language, and secondly, this action makes no sense: it is not clear why.

Everything must have a specific purpose. If the action is devoid of purpose and motivational background, then the person begins to force himself to do what he does not want, he is constantly distracted.

When a person just likes to play sports, he has no idea to pull himself up a hundred times, unless, of course, he is trying to prove something to himself. He just enjoys it. And he will continue to practice, not being distracted by extraneous things and not being lazy, because he wants to.

It is probably impossible to go through life without ever straining or doing anything against your will, but you need to strive for this. You need to do something out of need, and not forcing yourself and convincing you that you like it. It should come by itself.

If a person has already refused to do what he does not want, but has not yet understood what he likes, is it okay to do nothing?

Absolutely. The thinking of a modern person is arranged as follows: first, an analysis of the situation occurs, then a synthesis. Analysis is when you look at an object and mentally dissect it. The eye pays attention only to individual pieces. Then synthesizes - generalizes. The ability to generalize on a certain amount of information is one of the signs of intelligence. Our ancestors had another process that we lack: they could identify themselves with an object. For example, when they wanted to understand a tree, they merged with it, not dividing it into separate components in their minds, but tried to feel it as a whole. In the modern world, this is impossible, because our ancestors had a different rhythm of life and really knew how to relax. There were periods in their lives when they did nothing for many days, and this was in the order of things.

Can you find meaning in life by reading books?

Literature makes no sense. It can neither teach life nor make a person deeper or more intelligent. A writer is a person who can tell compelling stories in brilliant language. There is nothing else in the books. In prisons, people who know how to tell interesting things are not touched, because they are considered to be the owners of God's gift. But Dostoevsky and Tolstoy did not explain any meaning to anyone and were themselves far from understanding it. The contents of Dostoevsky's works contain well-written detective stories, from which one cannot tear oneself away. Not more.

How to find your life's work, choose a direction for further development?

You can’t immediately understand what you want to do all your life. It is a state, not a rational thought. You can't say, "I want to do this." It should be an unconscious psychological need for something that brings you pleasure. Artists or writers felt they wanted to write pictures or poems, rather than screaming about it. Getting up in the morning, you should feel the joy of the fact that the working day is ahead. To achieve this state, you need to treat everything in life in a similar way: learn to do only what you want, and not force yourself. And don't do what you don't want to do. Understand what you like and what you don't.

By changing your behavior, you can change the parental attitudes laid down in you as a child. A person is formed up to five or eight years, then the brain begins to automatically issue mental reactions that were formed earlier. Reading the situation, the brain finds analogues from childhood and issues a decision that has long been made. The professor claims that it is taken 20 seconds earlier than the final wording of the question sounds.

Starting to listen to yourself, to realize what you really want, you force the psyche to change your reactions. There is a change in the reflex arc - existing neural connections collapse and new ones arise. Over time, you will easily understand what you really want.

The next lecture-consultation by Mikhail Labkovsky in the Chocolate Loft will be dedicated to the midlife crisis and will be held on August 24th. Tickets are available.

A gentle person does what is asked.
A callous person does not do what is asked.
A stupid person does what is not asked.
A smart person does not do what is not asked.
And only a wise person does what needs to be done.

The wise man does what he sees fit; the fool sees fit in everything he does.

Desire is the most important thing. When a person wants, he does everything to achieve this, despite the obstacles.

You realize that you fell in love when you can't sleep, because reality is finally better than any dreams.

Man often makes mistakes. Moreover, all his life he is only engaged in making mistakes. The one who does nothing makes no mistakes. The main thing is to notice the mistake in time and correct it.

That you reject the one you love is not a great self-sacrifice, you just want to be miserable. But being unhappy doesn't make you better than others, it just makes you unhappy.

Don't believe what the man says; just watch what he does.

You can't see the bottom under the water
And only diving, you will see what it is.
So man - he says one thing,
And often does something completely different.

A person who makes no mistakes usually does nothing at all.

It so happened that my father-in-law and mother-in-law are doctors of pedagogical sciences. Which leads to the fact that, willy-nilly, you begin to comprehend various useful techniques :)

One day, after some academic advice over whiskey tea in the kitchen, the father-in-law says: Sasha, but what do you think, why people don’t do something?

To be honest, the question puzzled me. I began to fantasize: well, circumstances get in the way, character traits, lack of experience ...

No, no, he said, father-in-law, everything is wrong. If people do not do something, there can be 4 reasons for this. After that, my arsenal of management tools was replenished with one more. And it is about this tool that we will talk about today, and at the same time we will analyze a few stories from real life:

  • Why project managers should be moved to a separate building
  • What to do when your customer does not use your reporting system
  • How to rock a low-performer

So, if a person does not do what you want from him (or does the wrong thing, or not), do not immediately rush to kill him to solve the problem. Let's take a break. After all, if a person does not behave the way we want him to, there can always be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. Fuzzy goal (understood in my own way)

I remember when I was at Intel I told my employee: Max, look at static analyzers. Max says it's not a question, and leaves. Comes in 3 days. I:
- Well, how?
- Looked.
- AND…?
- Here is the table...

I nearly killed him. I needed a person to find a free static Java code analyzer and attach it to our version control system.

Max understood the task in his own way - that a comparative analysis of the available static analyzers was needed. A person downloaded and installed all these analyzers, came up with metrics for comparison, found test cases. For three days he was engaged in a rather meaningful activity. And I, as his manager, was ultimately dissatisfied.

If I now ask you who is to blame for this situation, you will probably blame me. And let me disagree here :)

You can blame the manager for fuzzy tasks when you are an employee. But when a task is assigned to you, it’s not always possible to tell your boss later: well, you somehow get together there, learn how to set tasks normally ...

Delegating a task is always a game of two or more people. And if I had clarified with Max how he understood the task, this situation would not have arisen. But if Max himself would have re-specified the statement of the problem for me, this situation would not have arisen either.

2. Does not know how (here we include: does not know)

A person may not be able to do what we want from him. At the same time, he can conscientiously be mistaken that he can (“I’ll figure it out as a last resort”). “If I wrote virtual machines, won’t I make a presentation in PowerPoint? ..” - and it will. Another thing is that it will not be shown to anyone, but that's another story ...

There is exactly one case when we can be 100% sure that a person knows how to do something. If he has repeatedly successfully (both words are important here) done similar tasks, and you saw it.

If a person can tell how to do a task, this is certainly better than if he cannot tell. But this is not a guarantee that he can. I can go into enough detail. how to break bricks by hand. But in reality, I'm afraid the brick will win anyway.

Therefore, if you have not seen how a person does a task, then at the stage of setting it would be good to agree on the type and frequency of control. “Dude, we haven’t done this type of task before, so let me come to you every 3 minutes for two days and see what happens and how we move?”

3. Can't

This is about a lack of resources. First of all, time. For example, you set a task for a person, and he works on several projects. And so you left. After you, two more managers came to see him, and they strongly motivated the person to perform precisely their tasks. You come - your task is not done. Why, because “we agreed” and “you promised”? Not enough resource.

Or if you offer an engineer to debug a harsh corporate Enterprise monster on a 386 computer, where the monster only starts up for 20 minutes, the task will probably not move quickly either.

4. Doesn't want to

For some reason, the person does not want to do the task. Maybe he doesn't like you. Or he sincerely does not understand why this task should be done. Or he disagrees with the decision. There can be many reasons for this.

How to use the tool?

Intuitively, we often start with the 4th reason and try to find a solution for it. “How would I motivate an employee to do A, B and C” is probably the most popular request in our trainings.

Hey, wait, is it really a matter of motivation? Let's cover the first 3 reasons first. If they are not closed (you don’t have such confidence), you don’t have to go and decide “does not want” yet. It's not easy, and there are other tools (once and twice) on this topic.

But sometimes it gets ridiculous.

A case from one's life. Somehow the technical director of one large company calls:

Sasha, I have a question, I want to consult. My project managers don't think about the strategy of their projects. I want to transplant them into a neighboring building about this, and so I decided to consult with you, whether it will help or not.

At that moment, my brain collapsed in half. Remember how in KVN?

A man runs out onto the stage:
- Guys, Lesha got stuck in the elevator, give me 500 rubles!
I don't see the connection...
- And you don’t need to ... “Lesha got stuck in the elevator” - information, “give me 500 rubles” - a request.

We begin to understand. The situation turns out approximately the following. The company had research and development teams. There were engineers on every team and there were the most engineered engineers - technical leaders. These leaders have now been made project managers. They are responsible for the research team, the product team, the validation team + they manage the technical writer, the system analyst and someone else there as part of their project.

And that, he says, is the problem! They sit, as they used to, in the same room with their engineers. And they tear them off on their engineering issues. As a result, managers do not think about the project strategy. I want to move them to a separate building.

Hmm, the picture becomes clearer... And here I suddenly remember 4 reasons.

Wait, I say, if managers do not think about the project strategy, there can be one of four reasons for this:

1. They don't understand what you want from them. Do you tell them: think about the project strategy? What should they do? Do they need to somehow strain, blush, sweat? How do you know what they think about strategy? By what signs?

You may want a plan for the strategic development of the project from them. This is a clear request. Or do you want them to bring you ideas about the strategic development of the project from time to time? This is a different request. What do you specifically want from people, did you voice them?

Maybe it makes sense to give them some book on this topic? Or a seminar? Or you tell them yourself. how to write strategic plans if you can.

3. How do people with loading time? Previously, they led five engineers, now they have a whole crowd under their command. And you probably need some more releases from them? How are they with time?

4. Did people ever want to be project managers? Or could not refuse you?

It is hard to refuse a boss who comes and says: “Friends, we have a major transformation coming up in the company. The only people I can rely on are you!” It is unlikely that anyone at this moment will say: “Oh, fuck it!” People silently sigh and go to pull a new strap.

As a result, before moving to a new office, there were many topics for discussion. :)

Or here's another case:

A case from one's life. A person comes up after a conference in Novosibirsk:

Alexander, such a question. We've been writing a new reporting system here for three months. Finally, they wrote. It has everything: 28 pages, each with 10 tabs. There is all the information - in general, everything.
Congratulations, what's the problem?
- Our German customer does not use it. She, instead of logging in and getting the data, calls each of our engineers and asks him what he was doing. How can we motivate her to use our reporting system?

Well, let's figure it out. If a customer does not use your reporting system, there may be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. Does she even understand that she needs to use this system? Or you wrote her a 5-page letter with an unclear title, and she was like this: “Oh, guys, well done, they are doing something ... there will be time, I’ll read it.”

2. Does she know how to use this system? Why are you sure of this? How long does it take her to find the information she needs? Maybe she honestly tried one, two, three - dug into the system, found nothing, and decided in the old fashioned way - to call the engineers. They always answer what you need.

3. Does she even have access to the system? May be. she went there for the first time, she was not allowed in, and she decided that the system had not yet been finalized. In the meantime, it is being finalized, I will call the engineers ...

4. Maybe the person just enjoys talking to your engineers? Or she does not trust the data in the system and double-checks the information.

It would be nice to think about these reasons before talking with her - and so go on them.

The main difficulty in using the tool

The main difficulty in using this tool is to remember it in time. Seriously, it seems so trivial that it is not always remembered.

A case from one's life. At one of the trainings, the listeners had the following question: how to swing a low-performer? The team has a couple of very cool guys, a few average guys. And there is one person who does everything much slower than others. How to download it. to make him do more and faster?

We have already taken a breath of air in order to start giving advice, as we remembered that the situation must first be clarified. After all, if a person works significantly less and more slowly than others, there may be one of 4 reasons for this:

1. He doesn't understand that the way he works is bad. Yes, he sees that slowly. But quality! Not like these - they screwed up the code and threw it away. And here is a systematic approach, unit tests, self-review, etc., etc.

Has a manager ever told a person directly that they weren't happy with the amount of work they were doing? Or does the manager send non-verbal signals to the person? He ceases to give interesting tasks, begins to communicate with him less often, etc.

2. Can a person work faster? Was there ever such a thing that he worked quickly?

3. What else does the person do? Maybe on Skype he answers questions for a newbie? Or now he has problems in the family, not before him.

4. What does he even want? Stability? Or development? Of money? Become a tech lead? And then we can tie our arguments to his Wishlist.

Maybe he doesn't agree at all with the solution we're working on now. And his behavior shows that the decision is wrong.

Here you need to understand, think before talking and communicate with a person. No need to shake, you need to understand.

Finally - try to look for reasons

So that all this does not go in vain and does not turn into just reading tales :), you can take a situation right now when someone does not do what you want, and try to figure out what his 4 reasons could be.

Once again, it doesn't hurt to think about it. And for sure, it won't be boring. :)

P.S. Previous articles in the management tools series.