"I am familiar with this theory, it is much more difficult to inculcate it into reality"
Well, what is the difficulty? Many people are familiar with this theory, and some even go to different trainings for years, spend a lot of money, visit famous psychologists, read all sorts of smart books, but all to no avail ... Impenetrable people, they divide everything into "nah, I already know that and "oh, here's some new information." The more they know, the more frustrated they become. I will not get tired of repeating a phrase that I remember very much, the phrase of a very famous psychologist - "you know why women stumble upon the same rake, but because they carry them with them." Your rake is always with you, right? Move from theory to practice, it is always difficult, but otherwise it will not work out. Do you want to become weak while remaining strong? But this is not possible, under any circumstances. You asked the question "how to become weak" I answered you specifically, I can even list the points
1. let a man make his own decisions, even if you don't like those decisions.
2. verbally agree with his decisions, even if they seem crazy to you. (in fact, you still do it your way)
3. let him make mistakes
4. let him pamper himself, pay for himself, carry your bags (yes, they really love to do this)
5. to praise for the merits and not notice the shortcomings (for me, this was the most difficult, very difficult, because we cannot help but notice the truth, but the result of my efforts exceeds all expectations, try it, you will not regret it)
6. Learn to ask for help. Moreover, in order for the beloved to do what is required of him, you need to gently and calmly repeat your request about 30 times (oh, don’t be scared, they are all like that, don’t think that if he didn’t do it the first time, he won’t do it at all, don’t think that you’re the only one who got it, both my grandfathers were like that, my father was like that, my friends were like that, the husbands of my girlfriends, and even with my beloved the same story. I don’t know what they have to do with it, probably a factory marriage)
You, I see a person far from stupid, you already know all this without me. So what was the matter? Throw your rake in the trash. All problems are in ourselves, a person will not be able to solve the problem while remaining at the same level at which he created it. Change men as much as you like, but nothing will change.
"And, you know, I'm pretty sure I'm going to meet a man much stronger than me, in every way."
A strong man will never be with a strong woman. NEVER. If such people meet, then there are only three options for the development of events - 1. the woman realizes her problem and becomes weak (which is unlikely), 2. the man turns into a rag and obeys the woman, or he will drink or beat (50/50 chances) 3 .a man crossing himself three times will leave, no, he will run away from a strong woman wherever his eyes look (which is most likely to happen).
"Men don't want to take responsibility"
Yes, how would you like it? This is a myth passed down from generation to generation, that some dominant male will break into your life, take responsibility from you, grab it and let it carry for you all your life. This will not happen, do not wait, these are fairy tales. Responsibility can only be given to a man, he himself will not impose it on you. You give responsibility - he takes it. The opposite happens only in the most vulgar, snotty melodramas, and even then not in all.
"BUT you, by definition, entrust a woman with the role of serving a man"
What? What are you dissatisfied with? You serve a man, a man serves you, in my opinion everything is fair.
"But I don't agree with how it's presented. "Yes, my good" to any question or suggestion will send the husband in search of a more intelligent and talkative companion."
Well, I said this exaggeratedly, not literally, of course, and I put it in quotation marks. The Russian language is powerful, there are a lot of speech turns, you can find a bunch of variations on a theme, you don’t have to repeat the same thing every time, you’re not some kind of parrot.
"Such a submissive and unwilling wife is a variant of losers or despots"
Submissive wife of a loser? Yes, you know, such a phenomenon is even less common than the Chupacabra.
"For about a year I kept on" yes, my good, "and promises" to give the universe ""
What can I say ... when a lot is good, it's not good either, sorry for the tautology. The husband, of course, relaxes, it is necessary not only to praise him, but also to educate him without fail, without this it will not work out. Behind every great man, there is a great and wise woman, she educates him and molds him into a successful one, keeps him strict. First, she creates comfortable conditions for him, an atmosphere of love (he gets hooked on love like a drug), the husband becomes dependent on his woman, flies home like a butterfly into the light. And if he fulfills his duties, then he gets a "sweet sugar", but if not, then his wife immediately moves away from him and no more "usi puffs" for him, and the man is all hooked, he won't go anywhere, now he's like without air. From now on, he will do everything, make any sacrifice, just to get his beloved "sugar" again. The scheme simply looks like - the stronger the relationship, the higher your "requirements" for your husband.

I completely turned over .. in my mind ... There is only one thought in my head - it’s time to end this .. you are a nonentity .. The world has not changed, I have changed, and I can’t do anything about it .. I’m tired of being strong .. I I don’t want anything, I’m not interested in anything .. even my own children .. I’m like a robot .. Probably nothing can help me anymore .. I just need to speak out .. sorry ..
Support the site:

Dandelion, age: 36 / 07/13/2011

Responses:

This is not forever !! Believe me !!! I also had this .. I was terribly tired of everything .. And I wanted to do THIS .. To never return to this cruel immoral world ... But, thank God, I realized in time what was needed do! Just be yourself, don't do anything in public. You don't owe anything to anyone, and be strong too! Live for yourself! Be sure to try it, you will understand how wrong you were!!

Anya, age: 30 / 07/13/2011

Hello Dandelion!
You have a funny nickname, so all is not lost. Listen, everyone has moments of fatigue, and there's nothing to worry about. Try to find an opportunity to relax a little, take pity on yourself, and take some time for yourself.
Just go for a walk, and on the way go to church, quietly pray to the Lord and tell Him about everything that happens in your life, about your fatigue and problems, about everything ... And He will definitely answer you, fill you with strength, give you wisdom how to proceed in the future. It is written in the Bible: ask and it will be given to you ... so you ask, and the Lord will answer, because He loves you very much.
May God bless you!

Aleana, age: 41 / 07/13/2011

Such an abyss of despair, my friend, requires very strong medicines. I strongly advise you - get out for a few days - somewhere away from everyone - to nature, you can work hard in a monastery, for example - if there is nowhere else.
You drove yourself - and the hunted beast does not understand anything where, why, why. But you're not an animal, are you? Are you human? You tend to! think and act reasonably, love, forgive, cry!
Do not act like a crazy, not intelligent animal now - following only your incomprehensible feelings, desires. Be patient. Fix the situation - what you can and put up with what you can’t fix.
Calling yourself a nonentity - you behave like a person full of selfishness and pride. After all, you are ready to do something bad with yourself, you do not need your children. You don't know yourself and your heart, but you talk about the world. First judge yourself and correct yourself. Then you will see how the world around you will change.
Don't kid yourself that you can't help yourself. Can. But just tired. Go somewhere for a while. There in silence, look at your life from a height, see how much needs to be corrected. Do not forget about the help of God, if you are a believer. You will not let yourself go on the occasion of your desires - you will save your soul and life, you will work on your heart - you will become happy.

Svetlana, age: 29 / 13.07.2011

Parable.
The most beautiful flower.
The bench in the park was free, and I sat down to read under the long, sparse branches of an old willow. Disillusioned with life, I had the right to sit and be sad, because the world was determined to drag me to the very bottom.

And as if that wasn't enough to ruin my day! Out of nowhere, a boy appeared in front of me, sat down next to me and joyfully exclaimed, “Look what I found!”
In his hand he held a flower, which was a pitiful sight - its petals withered and lost their shape - perhaps from lack of moisture or sun. In order for the boy to leave as soon as possible, I squeezed out a fake smile, nodded and moved away, pretending to be fascinated by the book.
But instead of leaving, he sat closer, brought the flower to his nose, inhaled and said in surprise: “It smells so delicious, and it’s also beautiful! That’s why I picked it! Hold it, it’s for you!”
The weed in front of my nose either withered completely, or was close to it. It has lost its color and freshness. But I decided to take a flower, otherwise the boy would never have left me behind. So I reached for the flower and said, “Yes, your flower is the right one.”

But instead of placing the flower in my palm, the boy simply held it up in the air. Only then did I realize that he was blind and could not see the flower. My voice trembled and tears came to my eyes as I thanked him for the gift. “Not at all,” the boy replied, smiled and ran off to play on, not realizing how much he influenced me.
I sat and thought, how did this little blind boy manage to notice a lonely woman under an old willow? How did he know about my soul cry? Maybe it's all his heart, maybe inside he is endowed with true, pure vision.
Through this blind child, I finally realized that the problem is not in the outside world, but in myself! How long have I been “blind” and have not seen the truth. Then I promised myself to appreciate the beauty of any thing and enjoy every moment of life.
I brought this withered flower to my nose and smelled the sweet scent of a rose. I smiled exactly like that blind boy. Surprisingly, he managed to change the life of a completely alien person!

Katya, age: 07/19/2011

Hello dandelion!
you write that you are tired of being strong. for you, "being strong" is something specific, a certain way of a person or life. But in fact, when we try on other people's masks, we confuse ourselves with real ones and ourselves "in character". When a person plays a role for a very long time, he gets used to it. But the role is still a role. You need to become real. Do you understand what I am writing about?
Do not be strong, do not be weak, do not succumb to any stamps and any patterns. Finally, be yourself.

Dusya, age: 29 / 14.07.2011

Dandelion, we urgently remember that we are women, and it is not necessary for us to be strong (in terms of stopping a galloping horse and entering a burning hut). You need to be strong in your desire to live and be happy. And everyone gets tired - some after 14 hours of work, some from sessions at the university, some from naughty children, and some from the constant need to "be strong". Fatigue relieves rest, change of activity. So be a little selfish - when you're in last time did you go to the seaside? Feel free to pack your suitcase and take a last-minute ticket to hot countries (you can grab a friend). Mani Pedi, bright varnish, a couple of new dresses - believe me, this often helps. Treat this life easier, playfully - no one forces you to always be an inflexible rock, radiating strength, take liberty. Let yourself learn something new (dance, languages, a cooking class, or finally get a motorcycle driver's license, for example). Lots of activities to relieve fatigue! "Why do I need all this?" - You ask? And not why - just like that! To relax and finally start to enjoy this life. Because she is AWESOME ;)

Katyolina, age: 23 / 14.07.2011

Dandelion, and you come to the forum and speak out, communicate. Maybe in a friendly and favorable environment and your thoughts will change.

Agnia Lvovna, age: 70 / 07/14/2011

Nick, age: 40 / 07/15/2011

Have you been betrayed? What is the reason? At the age of 36, I myself stood on the edge of the abyss, which I now regret very much.

Mosya, age: 37 / 31.08.2011

The most important

Best New

Get rid of fear and anxiety

Overcoming fears through social positivity

Fear, anxiety increase in a person if he generally feels wrong, bad, unpromising. If he unconsciously expects that he can be condemned, caught on wrong, on failure. And our psyche is so arranged that it is not afraid of any accusation, but only of the one for which, as it seems to it, there are grounds. If you ask a professor of mathematics: “Did you even study the multiplication table?”, he will smile and say: “You know, I must have been ill in that quarter.” If you say this to a loser, he will go red spots.

Sometimes we get very tired, reaching the limit of our strength, and simply can not cope with emotions. But crying doesn't mean giving up, and it certainly isn't a sign of weakness.

Simply, often in such cases we have no other choice than to resort to this means of self-comfort when we are tired. Tired of being strong. After all, life requires a lot from us, and the people around us do not always realize everything that we do (including for them) and understand how hard it is for us.

But you don’t need to take the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, try to take care only of what is really important to you. Also, never forget that there should be some privileged, free space in your heart, reserved only for yourself and for no one else.

Therefore, if you want to cry, you feel that there is a need for it, and you understand that it will become easier for you, then cry, only a truly strong person can sometimes afford this.

You can't always be strong

Perhaps you, too, were brought up with a “strong personality” and were told that tears should be “swallowed”. That life is difficult, and tears will not help grief, etc. But the fact is that such an approach in the long run can lead to serious emotional problems.

After all, “not crying” sometimes means not showing your feelings and hiding them under false pretenses (from the series “I don’t feel well”, etc.).

And if you always try to appear, if not cheerful, then at least calm, then, in fact, you are hiding your emotions not only from others, but also from yourself.

And hidden emotions are unresolved problems, which, in turn, turn again into emotions, stress. Then somatization occurs (the transformation of psychological stress into physical discomfort, malaise or disease) and the person begins to suffer from headaches, migraines, constant fatigue, muscle tension, dizziness, digestive problems ...

You can't be strong all the time. You can not hide discomfort or sadness throughout life. It's bad for health.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a well-deserved rest, a break, when tears act better than any sedative and relieve stress, allow you to relax.

• Tears really heal.
• They provide the desired relief and are the first step to releasing hidden emotions.
• After crying, you find peace, feel more relaxed, perceive reality more objectively, and can again make sound decisions.

The need to be strong when life demands too much of us

No one but yourself knows how much you had to do to be where you are now. What you had to give up (for the sake of your loved ones), what to go through and what to go through.

And everything that you did, you did consciously, of your own free will, because you wanted it. But sometimes there come moments when it seems to us that life and the people around us are unfair to us, that we are underestimated, that we deserve more.

You have to be strong in a society that does not make life easier for you in socio-economic terms. You need to show your strength and determination to your family, to behave properly with parents, children and your partner, which often involves paying more attention to their interests than to your own.

As a result, there come those days when you get tired of being strong and carrying the entire burden of responsibility on your shoulders, and then ... You need to cry.

It is important to be able to set limits so that life demands real accomplishments from us.

None of us can give more than we ourselves have. And therefore, it is simply impossible to give joy and happiness to your loved ones if they do not reciprocate and do not show the same attention, care and love.

That is, the key to solving the problem is balance, a balance of forces and actions. To stay strong and cope with all your responsibilities, to achieve your goals despite all the difficulties, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

1. Being strong means, first of all, being at peace with yourself. Don't stop there, keep going personal growth and development, enjoy your hobbies and moments of personal joy. Love your loved ones and, of course, first of all yourself.

2. Most strong people- those who know how to love(both others and themselves). And no, this is not selfishness at all, but healthy self-esteem.

3. Being strong also means being able to get rid of all sorts of loads, that hinder our progress, prevent us from moving forward, worsen our well-being and even make us suffer. Yes, sometimes such decisions can be quite painful, but here it is important to set priorities correctly and stop wasting time on those who do not really need us.

4. Being strong means sometimes allowing yourself "weakness". What is meant here?

• You always have every right to say that you "can't" or "won't do it." You don't have to take on more responsibilities than you already have.
• You always have the right to say that “enough”, “I can’t take it anymore”. That you need rest.
• You have the right to be respected and loved, to be recognized for your merits and to be grateful to you. Those who really need you will definitely understand that you also need their attention and care.

Also interesting:

And surely you you have every right to a personal, secluded rest. For those moments when you can be alone with yourself and take a walk, think, listen to your thoughts and emotions, take necessary solutions and move forward again.

After all, this is what our life is all about. Go your own way and try to maintain peace of mind at the same time.published

I'm tired of being strong as hell.
I'm tired of being weak to shiver.
I want to be myself.
For others, neither bad nor good.

I will never be perfect
I have no such illusions.
Not pure as a baby's tear.
But I don't put myself in the mud either.

I do not grumble at empty gossip,
And others are not judge by will.
I'm not the first and not the last
I don't play any part.

I'm not the one that is hypocritical in the eyes,
But I'm the one that won't say in the back.
I, who believe in happiness.
And does not put up with half.

I am simple, with an open mind.
Someone appreciates, and someone is afraid
Heart beat, like a forgotten motive.
It can only beat with love.

I'm tired of being strong to the nerves.
I'm tired of being weak to the point of pain.
Not the last to be and not the first.
I will always be just me.

I don't intend to share you with anyone. You are either mine or you are free. I need someone who will have me in the lead roles. I didn't sign up for the crowd.

What will I do when I am old and my reflection in the mirror is no longer pleasing? I will not look in the mirror - I will look at my children.

And I, like autumn.
I can't pretend.
Time to fall off - then to the last leaf.

I love you not for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

I am what I did to myself, not what happened to me.

I never wanted a revolution in which human blood is shed. I never called for a massacre in which lead smears brains on the walls! There can be only one revolution - the revolution of consciousness. Only. Everything else is just a meaningless meat grinder that turns flesh into loot.

I just want to enjoy life! I don’t want to be rude, scandalous and prove something to someone, I don’t want to waste time communicating with those who are unpleasant to me, with people who don’t understand me, and trying to get through to them. I don't want to try to fit my thoughts into someone else's head. I am busy! I want to live my present.

I'm not knocking on closed doors! In response, I silently close my ... I do not impose! The world is huge - and there certainly is someone who is happy to receive exactly my communication, my look and my smile ... I'm not jealous! If a person is yours, then he is yours, and if he is drawn to somewhere else, then nothing will hold him back, and even more so, he is not worth my nerves or attention.

I'll try not to call again
Do not rave about you in the arms of the night.
And don't tell anyone else
What you need, dear, I really, really.

I'll try not to write anymore
And do not shed tears, thinking that the other
Ready to kiss as eagerly
Drowning in the arms I love.

I'll try not to dream anymore
After all, you're not mine, but I always wanted
So that every day and again and again
Your smile warmed my soul.

I'll try not to love anymore.
There really are a lot of people like you.
But you know... never forget
You... so dear...